understanding fear

fear is such a deal breaking affliction. what could I possibly express if i am afraid of something. in general there is no point of fear it is just unnecessary blocker and just totally distort reality, the best part is, it is very easy to reproduce.

as this week major practice is fear, lets expose yourself to fear and see experientially what you are afraid of.

so one thing that I am clearly afraid of is people, or judgement or what if they think I am stupid, or what if my voice stuttered in between my sentence . I don’t want to feel that gut gruelling feeling.

so one very clear area where I can reproduce it is, shopping malls shops. when I walk into the shop and those people ask me, can I help you sir, that scare the shit out of me. ( and while I am writing this I am also afraid that what if someone reads it. ). I also find it intimidating to go to those fine hotels and barista ask me the same question. it gets even more intimidating if that unkown person is of other nationality or gender, mix them together and we got a dragon my friend. i think person in front me’s confidence and looks also plays a definitive role in the equation. and needless to say my state of mind is surely lays the ground. than there is other stuff like dancing but lets go there.

it doesn’t make any sense, what am I afraid of, wouldn’t that be great if mentally I am comfortable with even walking naked in public.

so this is a good data to start, and for this weeks practice I would like to have more experiential data. that mean having dinner everyday in a fancy restaurant and wandering in a lot of shops.

lets watch closely and build upon it.