what if I fail !

I recently had a conversation with my friend about what if whatever I am doing doesn’t produce any result. wouldn’t that be a waste of time. another friend mention the same thing earlier.

so how would I consider my time is not wasted. if I am just doing a job and avoid thinking much would it be consider time not wasted. keep running without having map/compass/direction. does it sound like a good strategy to live life?

but it does beg a question what exactly I am getting from all this and what if I actually hit ground zero.

one thing is, I am quite happy more healthy and enjoying life way more. another thing is when I was doing my job I wanted to do few other things like traveling, living and reading in the solitude of himalayas, working from coworking spaces ( whenever i have free time this is all i could think about ). the interesting part was finally when I’ve done all these things I feel like my mind is now open to new ideas and thoughts. isn’t it a progress!

I come to learn about some new things which was not even in the list like meditation, buddhism, mentoring and affected my life in good ways.

I learnt a great deal about myself. learnt to live simple life with less needs, meet with so many interesting people and had wonderful conversations with them. lived in the communities who are not so mainstream and warmhearted who helped me realised it’s ok if people don’t get it. technically ( as a programmer ) I learnt more than I could have if I continue my job.

only downside i could think of “I didn’t earn any money and I that is perfectly ok with me”. there could be other benefits if keep working like long term onsite and all which doesn’t really mattered to me.

what if I hit ground zero financially ?

it’s a legit question, and if that happens I would get a job worse to worse it will pay me less than what I used to get paid. but from what i have learnt I really don’t need that much.

what if I succeed ?

the more self knowledge I have, I am better equipped to live a good and interesting life. I could live an adventures and more skilful life which would be filled with purpose based on my experiential beliefs. I can overcome my fears. and learn, explore, create and serve. I can choose, build or even lead my tribe. and best of all, it won’t be filled with regrets and things I could have tried. when I would look back all I would see a well lived satisfied life not necessarily easy one but courageous and true to myself.