what I’m looking for !

couple of months back I left my job, moved to this amazing place in himalayas and doing different things that resonate with me like reading, living in solitude, having deep conversation with different kind of people, visiting new places, making video courses ( didn’t get that far ). but under the skin this question keeps arriving, is it all going somewhere or it is just dillydallying? This post is an attempt to answer this question to my self.

It all starts with simple question am I happy to be a mediocre? is it enough to live by the script? to become a high performance average? give the control of your life to others hand so you don’t have to decide much? stop wondering?

Ofcourse this isn’t living this is barely surviving and all this for false security and pointless society acceptance. although realising realty is not tough part. the tough part is to figure out what you really want to do is it travel the world? is it to change the fundamental problems of your tribe like education? is it to startup, build a product?, just hone your current skillset? study experimental physiology? or is it entirely something else?

so in short i want to understand philosophy to live a life that resonate with authentic me. something that i truly believe.

ofcourse it require to understand authentic self and how world around myself work. to be more aware of myself and has better understanding of how people (including me) work, what drives them, how they decide, what makes them happy and sad etc.

I really don’t want to feel happy, secure, proud or liked by people all the time, I am ok with stress, fear and anxiety but what I really crave to have core philosophy that could guide me. i think i really want to understand the underlying philosophy of people i admire.

how come jack dorsey is so clear with his every word, how come kejriwal found his philosophy to serve his tribe, it seems like everyone that I admire has one core philosophy to live a life and i want to understand how they acknowledged it and build such a strong belief around it.