what the hell am I doing ?

I know I have some underdeveloped areas in my life. I know, some of the most important area of my life, needs to be developed as well. I am just doing my best to do that.

but what would you do in a long term. look I don’t really know. and if you look back you would see I never did. just keep putting one foot in front of another and we will see. and you know that life do throw opportunities, and ( only ) if you are ready, you can utilize them.

let me also tell you the long term goal. every step you are taking and every trial you are going through. is building you. is opening some areas. and you do have 30-40 working years. the sooner you get clear. the better it is in a long run.

the correct question is in any possible way, I am wasting my time by reading books. experimenting. I hardly think there would be any better use of time ( beside practicing ).

don’t forget there is another angle, believe it or not you have given appropriate challenge and help before. have a little faith.

you don’t have to take every suggestion coming from inside very seriously. most of the time they are coming out of fear. I am not after stabilizing my model of world.

although what you can do is put more effort, build more momentum. let’s see what surprises life has in that box.