The Incident.

Today I was giving my standup and I told them that we are almost done with react and moving towards deployments. yesterday we covered the state and then first konark said that make sure you cover the list first. then akshay showed the impression of surprised, and shantu said there must be something fishy. And I feel a kind of fear in my heart, sensation of dropping.

The story I am telling myself is how I am right, I did because of the reason I wanna make sure everyone becomes profiencent, and then some thoughts related to busting them next time and so on.

One reason sometime I feel afraid of people’s judgement espeically in public. There could be many reason one of the prominent one is taking failure personally and trying to defend that image.

The another one is I had this old habit of becoming uncomfortable when people judge me in public and not being able to reply back.

There can only be two reasons either I am trying to defend my broken beliefs, or I am uncomfortable in defending my opinion.

And then there is constant judgement against doing something and being judged against something else.

So the solution could be first my goal is to make sure everyone becomes as good of a programmer as possible. and I wanna refresh my programming skill.

Now if I am not doing a good job then see what I can improve. other wise tell them what you are doing. and if someone challenges you then hold your opinion and ask for the explanation. do not justify but ask them to explain.