You are in the middle of process, be attentive and alert. With each interaction you are learning and growing. Even if it doesn’t feel very good, it is all opportunity.

There is another aspect of ignorance, and this is what experince does. Becasue experince is actually truth, you have melt your ignorance. Experinces until it completely dissolve all the ignorance should be the priority.

Your game is tight right. You are such kind of person. Direct, meaningful, open hearted, light, deep, simple, confident, intentional, giving. You like to good conversation, enjoy and escilate intimacy. comfortable in your skin, enjoy sharing, positive. Self growth. Reading. Tight. You enjoy going out and having conversation, making fun and laugh. And yoga and dance, and hiking and nature.

I am not the kind of person who wants to drink or smoke, and make fun of others, pretending to be cool, do...

Core -

Water - ±2ltr.
Breakfast - Healthy [ eating at home ]
Lunch- Healthy [HP2]
Dinner - Healthy [Express combo 4phulka]

Snack| Tea

Chai - 2 times [ chaipoint regular ]
Evening snacks - [ ±Poha | idly ]

Missing

• Daily fruits
• Walnut
• Protiene powder

Medicine

• complete the course on B-12
• checkup 6-12 months.
  • Dental
  • Vitamins

Addition -

• Add fruits | walnut | protein powder from tomorrow.
• Complete your course from next Monday.

The good thing about the relationship with Lin was how open she was. To everything, and she really had a very high attraction. There is a connection, intimacy, giving from both side. Similarity. In one way it was fairly good match.

Then why I broke up. I did it becasue I had seen all the aspect of relationship and wanted to explore more. If you are tied to her how can you explore further. Do I still want to explore more? Yes.

The process of broke up wasn’t fun for her or me. I became more withdrawn because i didn’t want half expectations based moving on. Which is somewhere in between yes and no.

I also somewhat thought her age is 31 and she should look for more long term relationship, instead of unsure one.

I am still sure, I want to meet new people and explore relationship with them, and I don’t want to tied in any kind of commitment.

But I loved what we had and would love to...

Ritika, J, Lin, The political girl even namarata, Akshada, Preksha and Renuka.. I found all these people in a1000yoga. The thing about community is the repetition, when you have repeated interaction it creates automatic familiarity. And breeds friendship.

The place effect - Dharamshala, Rishikes, polish, English girl, esabell, there is also the repetition effect but the place creats the need.

So in bangalore at the moment you are engaged in two community innov8 and mindfit. So if it meant to be you will meat people consistently. In innov8 there is Kavita, alamkara, vaidi. Although they are not my type is a different subject but you do meet people and become familiar and close whenever you are in a community of any kind.

Namarata, Akshada, Renuka, The Austrilian girl, The amarican taxi, The falafel, The German ananda, The zostel girls from Delhi, The widow, Esabell, Fashion designers, German student, Preksha, The German teacher, isrially girl, shenaz, The kickboxer, the politician actor, the mathematician, ritika, Deepika, the indian window, polish girl, Rishikesh line, J, Lin….

I went a bit deeper with Namarata, Akshada, Renuka, Esabell, J, Ritika, Polish girl, Preksha, Lin..

Lin I went much deeper with.

Now the question is what do I want from all this really! Almost every aspect of relationship I had experinced. Dependency with Namarata, Intimacy with Lin, Similarity with J. Non-similarity with ritika, short lived with polish.

Lets start with what I don’t want! I don’t want dependency. To say that a relationship like Namarata. Or arrogance like shenaz. Non-similarity is only makes it hard and hard...

Dependence forces obligations. An Obligation to taking care of a person who can not take care of herself, because the other person really believe you are the cause and reason for their happiness and suffering.

That demand on freedom creates resnsentment and chaos.

In the case of mom, I don’t know what she will do if she is left on her own devices. But thats not the end. It creats strong sense of unease. That unease is because I have dream of my own which I will have to compromise because she can not take care of herself. I can not empthaise with her situation and it makes me angery.

Somehow being in dependent relationship pushes you in the ego layer or test you on the ego layer.

The reality is you can’t do anything. She has to pay the price of her karma. Pychologically. The truth is almost everyone you know has to go through it, including you.

You might be able to ease it. And...

If you can win the battle of acceptance and attraction, you have freed yourself from the tyranny of this dillusion. And can see the things as they are.

if you can ground yourself in the self even against the extreme abuse of ego, you can see clearly and lovingly in the most polarizing situations.

If you know the patterns of ego and know your stand, how could they off-balance you. Same few pattern of disturbance, endlessly repeating.

If you want to have a good time, you can’t because that is the ego. If it i self vs self you will have the good time wether you want it or not. And you can learn the pattern and compassion if it self. It is an opportunity to practice self mastery. Until you get it.

Acceptance and love feel good even if it not true. Weather it is the tap in on the back by Tibetan owner. Hug by Isabell, food by prachi, or kiss by lin.

Praise even if not all honest feels good, Anurag of charming.

When alone mind plays the trick of social appraisal.

A laughing, sharing and heart to heart connection feels good.

It feels good at that moment if you don’t try to hold it.

Sharing feels good, serving feels good. Being generous feels good.

There is no such person nor you is black and white as dependent or not dependent. There is always this battle of dual ness, ego-ego always suck, self-ego or self-self is unasked for but feels enjoyable.

Ultimately if you can ground your self in self and love the nature of self and ego, and welcome everyone the game is over.

If most of the people are just dependent then whats the point of connection! If all they care about themself. Too eager to judge, advice and redicule. If all the communications are pretty much my dream vs your dream, and then conveincing each other then what the point of these communications.

If the whole point is bussiness, employee and interdependence then you can just go through minimal vibal communication. Without creating too much stirring.

If you are living in the layer of ego actually there is no point. But if you can see the self in yourself and other, the daily struggle, desperation and suffering, the ignorance, there is purpose to be found.

If the frame is self importance there is nothing. If frame is self, there is everything.

There is ever thinning rope of acceptance and attraction. Which is loosing it’s strength by the days. Leaving pretty much nothing to be desired...

In a broader sense, dependent relationship is in the realms of ego. It originates in the self ceterednes, and creates disturbance rather than connection, withdraw rather than add. Weather screaming, insecure or iAmSmart, these are emotionally loaded self-importance states. It is the internal state of discomfort or fear that is creating this state. So any kind of threat is only going to make it worse.

Fighting, lashing back, advicing, judging, sympathising… these are reaction. And they are only to fuel.

You must learn the art of giving corrective feedback without being offensive. Consistently and repeatedly. This is extremely helpful for them, and communicates what you will and will not tolerate and what is you stands on different ideas.

In the extreme cases you need to withdraw and set the boundaries strictly.

Non-engage | reaction | correction | boundaries.