mind is a tricky business, it plays deceptive games all the times. it’s really an important question but confusing contemplation wether I have a mind or my mind owns me and the closest answer I can think of is it’s some times minds control me and some time I am incharge ( I am getting more in control ).

but the question that creeps in my mind recently how would I know if I am in denial?

i know a lot of people ( and i could also be one ), who thinks they are doing the right thing but in reality there minds deceiving them. but how could it be possible that a mind who is deceiver can actually tell it self that I am the problem. it might be possible when I am in charge not my mind.

but a better self measurement criteria should be in place which can give the warning about when things are too out of hand.

I think it could be measure better by behaviour and reaction analysis rather...

if someone asked me what exactly i am looking for in one word. the answer would be clarity. and I think clarity has 2 elements.

intellectual understanding:

cognitively understanding how things are, how humans functions, why i work in certain way. what matters to me, atleast when I am in economy state of mind has tremendous value. in the more light I can finally start admitting to myself what are the wrong turns I’ve taken ( can you remember the last time you were wrong ? well thats what ego does it always makes you right ). small things i did which was not very skillful. things that are not working for me but I am still doing because of fear. to make sense out of why it is making me happy or sad.

the more understanding i’ve about myself and my surrounding the better i am equipped to live a better life. but knowing the right thing is different than acting on it. and trust me...

lately I am understanding experiential meaning of perseverance. ideally I should have been earning by now and also should have been trying some new stuffs. but it’s been 4 month I’ve been working hard to get my profile just right. I feel very strongly that it should be done this way. and as I am at almost end fatigue kicks in.

I am also realising. the way people think they function is how they think. but it’s more of how they feel. let me demystify it.

it’s amazing in general when you ask people why are you doing your job or that thing ( if the question is on surface level ). people reply with great certainty like I am doing it because of learning, money, family or whatever. and I am not doing that thing because of such and such reason. like if they could get the reason right they would be able to do it with ease. but the experiential reality is entirely something else. the real...

in last month I’ve been to pune than delhi but tides are not on my favour. I got sick and was not able to work properly. the lack of certainty anchors like going to a place at 9:00 is way important for me than i realise it’s been 3 places with parents in morena/ with friends at pune/ with brother at noida but there is no way i can do any serious work from any of these location. the problem is more in frame of mind in these places. explain it by energy pattern or proximity to bed, it just not the conducive environment to work from, atleast for me.

it turns out it;s not just the interest and purpose that fuels ones journey but environment is an important piece of the puzzle. i personally feel interested in programming at one place and just opposite at another place. also there is a lot of power in momentum

so what exactly is different in working from coworking space and home ?. one...

after spending 3 months here in bangalore it’s time to move on from here. but still the goal is very clear i need to get back to freelancing as a world class developer. major reason to coming here instead of jumping into some new place is

• to stop money drain.
• get some social injection it’s been couple of months of solitude here
• to continue focused pursuit of technical expertise with less destruction

if i fail to support these causes, or could not focus i will be moving to delhi

technical goals are very clear

• complete build you own angular book
• create metalist in angularJs

these 2 things should be done in a couple of weeks
i can attend 3 days meditation course after that i can move forward to delhi for work there for a month and prepare to travel international.

after this I can define my criteria to select project and start looking for consultancy assignments.

even...

i’ve been keeping a journal for last 60 days and these are some of the stuff based on the data

I got some fight in me

almost everyday I felt resistance and I keep going on. sometime the work was more challenging and frustrating but still not only i kept going on but also maintained momentum. kudos

resistance

there something great when I beat the shit out of resistance. at the first day when i worked from BAL i was feeling sleepy, resistance was at it best could not focus on work and whatnot. next thing i know is 2 solid hour of work before any rest ( this was again a common trend ) . now this is a benchmark i can always look back.

there was also some times when resistance kicked my ass but surely i am winning the fight.

energy

one of the common trend in my journal was if the work was challenging ( which was again a common trend ) the third gatka (sitting) was very hard almost...

I’ve been diving deep into technical stuffs lately so I think before moving to pune I should zoom out and revisit my values to make sure I am on the right path.

lets start with my compass.

ego:

most of the time I spent was in solitude so behavioural data is very less. yet I could say, I didn’t try much to Impress anyone or let’s say I was in healthy relationship with this. I didn’t try for more. I definitely handled things with humility and grace. but I think I failed to remember that everyone is trying to be happy just like me. and spot cognitive fusion. I was definitely in right direction. but I need to practice these 2 things for this month.

craft

surely I made a lot of progress here totally allow myself to emerge in it. artistic nature of things specially mastering the tools take time and I respect the patient I’ve demonstrated. in a long time I’ve put that much effort in...

when i came to bangalore i had pretty clear sense of what i need to do. I need to get back in freelance and start earning money. but the aspiration was a bit more complex than this. I just don’t only want to earn money but enjoy working as well and do it on the professional level. and I see it as perfect time to elevate my skill level which was totally scattered.

so spent last 3 months here in bangalore totally focused on technical side of things. quick summery of what i learnt technically here.

• javascript design pattern Stoyan
  
• javascript design pattern addy osmani / pro javascript design pattern
• javascript web application by alex (finally completed it)
• smacss (finally build a project on it)
• metaList without frameworks (finally did it)
• relearnt backbone and it’s source code
• metalist in backbone.
• learnt angular
• read build your own angularJs
• built solid github profile

this is a...

last month was kind of cool. totally overestimated the outcome, enjoyed working in long time and created something that was in my mind before a month.

http://niteshsharma.com/js.metalist/

for this month i will be focusing on porting the app in different frameworks. but than again after that i need to move on to someplace new. and here are some ideas on what i could do next month

on the tech and finance side

• start working as a freelance developer possibly 20-30hr/week.
• start creating courses in javascript
• build a product like game or something
• start speaking in conferences

places i can live next

• cobalt bangalore
• goa
• pondicherry sadhna forrest
• thailand
• dharamkot/dharamshala
• pune

things i want to do next

• experience nightlife in thailand for a month or two
• being free from my fears e.g. fear of judgment.
• learn to dance/swim/play music/cook

ya i think living in goa, part...

art/technology/finance

there is no 2 thoughts in my mind about what I have to do this month. as it is fairly clear that i need to be gearing up for consulting jobs. these are the list of things in priority order that i need to complete while I am in BAL

• metaList in Js
• metaList in Backbone
• metaList in Angular
• JS.design.pattern video series
• metaList in Ember
• metaList in react
• metaMVC framework
• JS.MVC. video series ( optional )

and only after completing these things I would be moving from here or be able to try anything new.

wisdom
while I have major inclination towards programming. I should not forget the balance. while I am doing this I must practice wisdom

• meditation 1 hr daily
• read book ( optional )
• watch video ( optional )

compassion
even though I would not be able to do any thing explicit about compassion. but the least I could do

• meditation
• practice cognitive fusion...