the most important thing for me is exploring myself. like really have a deep deep understanding of who I am. and what matters to me. and this is one of those things which might take a practice of lifetime.

and why I wanna do this ?
the more I do this more life become a enjoyable game for me. it is like a foundational concept. once I really understand what matters and what doesn’t to me. i can grow, tweak, build and play with all the qualities I have and have fun with my life.

but is it even possible ? and how can it be done ?
it has been done before by a lot of people so possibility is not in the question. the question is how can I do this and how would it feel on day to day basis. how would I know if I am taking refuge in it ? plain traveling or sitting down and thinking are certainly not the answer

one possible way could be try different things, what it can teach me is my...

I would be running first self knowledge experiment in december. and this post is all about what side I want to know about myself. how would I collect the data. and a basic plan to get started.

so the idea is to get the very solid understanding of myself. and build a solid foundation. interestingly the more I know about myself the less I care about distraction.

some very clumsy thoughts on what I could do

• it should be around a month long experiment.
• I can start with creating a short film and explore my creative side.
• I can be physical trainer
• I can serve people may be volunteering and explore that side of mine
• I can learn to play an instrument and see does it rejoice me
• I can learn to make stuff and understand touch
• I can learn to run a business
• I can be a radio jockey and see if I could do something I fear the most
• I should study more about accelerated learning

one thing that...

I need to be more serious and consistent about it. there must be a strategy around it. it can not go the way it is going now.

1. odesk
2. toptal
3. elance
4. through direct website of agencies.
5. by creating web courses.

there needs to be a learning system along the way or I get outdated real fast.
I can do 2-3 serious gatka for this. and then on the other shift I can work on experimentation.

ritual around the whole idea on very gross level

wake up 6 meditate and finalise todays rituals.

6:30 look odesk/elance for job

6:30-8:00
create course on design pattern

8:30-9:30
algorithm1

11
look for job at selected portal

11:12
algorithm2

12:00 look for job

12:1
search for the experimentation items

go back exercise eat sleep meditate whatever

look odesk/elance whatever
evening 4:00

look more on experimentations side

6: 7:00
look more on experimentation side

8:00
go back home have fun...

clearly things are not happening as I assumed them to be. infect the major problem is not having any certainty anchor at the moment. today I woke up and I was clearly not in a good state of mind. it’s been a month and I have no clue where time went.

can I make a ritual a certainty anchor. as I don’t really control outcome or what really happens. only thing I can work upon is my input.

and I need to stop striving to create a perfect scenarios and be comfortable with good enough. some things will be figured out along the way, wether I plan it or not.

in last whole month I took refuge in “the idea of I am solving financials”, well in reality it was not a full time thing. and because I make it a full time thing I wasn’t even doing it part time. instead of full time it got to be strategic.

I need to find a baseline ritual and a strategy to find a job. run experiment and open to...

coming back from a weeks visit to dharamshala. got sick, meditated and connected with family. now I am feeling quite rejoiced ready to throw myself on life.

this post is all about clarifying my priorities. it makes it far easy to make choices specially tough one when I am clear about my priorities.

number one is experiential self knowledge - the self knowledge is the core of everything confidence/ clarity/ purpose or whatever, the foundation is always self knowledge. miss it and everything feels shallow. and it can not be acquired by intellectual thinking. any kind of real knowledge can only be acquired by experiences.

relationship : naturally I’m good at certain things and not so good at others. and allowing myself into an organic relationship is my second priority at the moment.

other important things that goes without saying are family and health. they always comes first.

current target is to create a space where I can experiment on myself. this is solely most important thing that needs to be done currently.

options
toptal this could be the real deal, it can potentially allow me to work part time on high quality people and projects. the tricky part is to get into the network. but the best part is, it’s like a 2 week project. which has a visible end. this is the most certain things I can attempt.

odeskI am trying on odesk from last 2-3 weeks, and will continue to try but it’s really hard to find a quality project here. and peoples are not responding or may be not even looking at my profile.

work outside of india recently I have a chance to apply to a compony in berlin. it’s a great option because it can provide a very conducive sandbox for experimentation.

apply from website I can find good agencies on authentic jobs, github jobs to galleries like...

so what it consist of and how can I create one ?

creative space constitution

health - good mental and physical health is essential to be sane.

finance - not having enough money puts a huge roadblock

• bare minimum to lodge and food - 500$
• experimentation - from being a yoga teacher to take web design courses for free. In general I need around 1700$/month to run these experiments including living costs

job satisfaction - this is an important aspect I need to find my people and my kind of work.

ritualise it:
it is very important to reutilise this. rituals are insanely powerful against resistance. but don’t over restrict it.

ideal ritual:

• wake up at 5am
• 5-6:30 meditate, workout, take a bath and do a dynamic standup.
• have a breakfast
• 7-11/12 - work 4 hours
  
• sleep for an hour
• experiments till 8
• meditate and read a book.

I’m again at that place where I need to choose. i’ve been leaning on fence for last 3 weeks. I practically do no productive work when I am on fence. and only rational explanation of this state seems to be recovery.

there is comfort in not choosing. the same comfort when resistance wins. and it is bad like a real monster hidden in plain sight. I got to be better position myself against it. resistance always grow in state on confusion. the more clearer I get less power it has. and the power lies in choice.

so what are my option ?
on gross level there are two. either I can experiment with my life and move further on self discovery phase with full swing. or I can go back and join some compony and on the side I can move forward on self discovery phase.

in any way self discovery is the deciding factor. and what do I mean by this phrase.

1. figure out things that matters to me.
2. remove...

the best thing about having a family is they are there always. unlike friend and other relationship family sticks and commitment of relationship is beyond anything.

I’m blessed to have a family that is truly caring. they always put their heart into my upbringing. whatever they could, they did and yes we had fight and all but my family always did whatever was best in their opinion for me. I’ve seen so many parents heavily projecting their expectation on child or just doesn’t give a fuck about their child or siblings.

to be honest when i see people in my direct relationship it is pretty much a miracle that I live such a good life. and foundation of it all has been laid by family. it is an emotional realisation to have that my parent put their every need behind us. they didn’t have fridge, washing machine but they paid for my expensive tuition fee with such a pride ( great sign of a...

this is no brainer for me. leave aside good life, in order to just operate i need to be in good mental and physical health.

mental health

it is required just to be sane. it is baseline requirement to live a good life. just reducing the constant nonsensical chatter in mind is a huge improvment. it helps to prevent excessive fear, anxiety and whatnot. it also keep my ego on the check.

meditation - 24min morning session is required. 20 min night is optional.

physical health

the major reason I want to implement this is because of sanity. this makes it possible to carry a smooth operation. agility in body feels very nice and energetic. on the contrary it creates a huge problems and worries if not done regularly.

25-30min morning