it was a social and stimulus week, spent new year in kolad, meet with avinash, amey, prafull and kewat. watched unbroken and spent a lot of time with akhil. it was quite interesting to talk with avinash and amey. finish reading a man called ove. I was also experiencing things that used to be fun, doesn’t attract me. and things that bothers me doesn’t seems to occupy me that much.

spirituality -
on spiritual level it was a good week. I get the chance to practice it in real world. i did around 2 meditation session breath-in/out mainly and some time equanimity. what i would love to do this week is 4 session meditation - samtha and immeasurable.

health -
health took a big hit this week, hardly 1-2 session was done. although food was good. so please make sure I could do the best this week.

family -
usual week 2 times everyday talk, as I am traveling to home tonight, this is the week...

moved to pune hanging out with akhil here. went to kolad for new year celebration. which was all in all a decent experience. natural place, bonfire, people around you partying, singing, high and having good time ( i guess ). i believe the whole idea behind the activity was to forget about everything else for a while express heart fully. but it is very heart breaking to see when this turns into my dick is bigger than your dick situation. when it turns into an opportunity to show off and i totally get it. it feels good. infect it feels better than anything else, isn’t this feel like power. domination a perfect high for ego-centric individual. and the problem is in order to feel this you need to make sure others feel like shit.

one of the thing i could not help but notice that how many peoples were uncomfortable there, trying so hard to make sure people won’t think they were wiredo...

this is it. end of an adventure which lasted for an year. there is a sense of conquering is in my heart. and this sense is very rewarding. there is a sense of pride in living cheap. there is a sense of victory in harshens of struggle. there is a sense of relief in being self. there is a sense of satisfaction in putting other’s need first. there is a sense of joy in creating something new. there is a sense of friendship in helping self. there is a sense of strength in forging your own path, there is a sense of peace in clarity. there is a sense of thrill in discoveries, there is a sense of wealth in knowing what’s enough. and just the idea of winning my own heart feels like the grandest thing in the world.

and as I always felt there is sense of adventure in being able see just enough
on the other side of door. I don’t know what is on the other side. but I am hell excited with the...

a fumbling week, more of the kind of week where I tries to figure out certain thing. no immediate urgent goal. not much of conscious order resulting in feeding mental weeds. and i was being desperate for peoples company or any other kind of mental gratification I could get. ohh and that irritating experience with the roommate. all night talking, TV and morning baths. :D.

on the other hand I read flow and it was a phenomenal read. I really loved it mainly because it deals with foundational concept of how to make an expression enjoyable. i kind of love reading and started to read a man called ove, and ove hits the clown. haha quite enjoying this character . 4 session of exercise 3 T25 and 1 max30, ya loved the max30 thing. even though I did 2-3 session of meditation everyday. but could not maintain any mindfulness in general.

one clear problem i can see is missing theme of a big...

more sophisticated and correct name for inner confusion, I have felt it so many time and it is not a great feeling. and when it happens I hopelessly try to apply random remedy to just get out of it. which is more like eating donuts to heal a wound.

so what it is, and why does it happens ?
it happens when there is no inner order in consciousness. the wandering mind when don’t have a clear goal generate kind of feeling and emotion which are really bad and takes a lot of physic energy and left feeling unfulfilled. this is the dark side of not knowing why. this is pretty much suffering. and wait it gets worse. now I don’t want to feel that so I end up doing something that could even temporarily put consciousness in order. just like a loan for vacation. so I ended up not enjoying vacation because I haven’t earned it, the original problem is still there. and now I have a new problem that...

interesting week, started with a good news from namshi, spent couple of days in paperwork they needed from me. I pretty much did the first cycle of allan wallace samtha retreat. it introduced me to 2 really great meditation technique, taking mind as an object and equanimity. watched a lot of dhamma talk again. did 2 t25 session. didn’t really focused on work much beside completing web security concepts. struggled with service apartment, started to read flow. and ended week with jaaga guys.

interesting experiences

on the weekend I was hanging out with jaaga guys. really nice peoples. they litup bonfire, and we were sitting in circle and talking. the topics of conversation was very light, what you are upto, what we are doing here kind of thing. I was participating authentically and was neither very excited nor very bore. and then few guys got moderately high. and then conversation...

recently I’ve been offered a job at namshi. and probably after a month i will move to dubai. even though core is profoundly the same, it requires certain changes in current priority and routine

should I live in bangalore or move to some other place

where else I could go - dhramshala, pune, delhi, auroville,home. the thing is I have very good setup here in bangalore. weather, workspace, food, everything seems good. i should stay here for couple of weeks. than i can move to delhi.

what are the priority right now ?

• health - I would like to make it first priority for next 2 weeks.
• spirituality - I am all over the place here. experimenting a lot. I would love to continue the same atleast for this week.
• work - It would be great if I can take myself out from programming for a week and focus on flow.
• family - it’s all good here.

beside these, there are some other stuff I need to...

yesterday I had a great news. I got an offer from a nice compony in dubai for work. i was waiting for this. so when it happens i had every reason to celebrate.

but how to celebrate ! earlier I used to do all the activity that can excite me. i kind of tried those, but there is nothing that can be qualified as making me happy. or more happy. because I was already kind of happy and satisfied. making my mind more agitated by doing all these activity wasn’t making any sense.

so here i am full of joy, trying to express joy in form of celebration. and have no clue how to do it. my general days are peaceful and satisfied there isn’t much space for more.

I would give it a more thought some time later.

I started this week with a big smile on my face, ya that kind of big which makes other person smile as well. I came to bangalore exhaustively from hyderabad. I didn’t know where to start because i didn’t have any plan anymore. I had nothing to wait for before i start living. I guess I cornered myself to start living.

spiritual
I end up writing some heart felt blog post on how would I love to take my life from here. I played with my meditation, included guided meditation on attachment and alan wallace retreat meditation. I also end up watching a lot of dhamma talks. I also had this idea that I want to end my day with a nice dhamma talk, and live through out my day with mindfulness.

suggestions
this was amazing, because I was in discovery phase, I stumbled a lot. I also felt like I was trying to take in too much. so now that I have a better understanding, I believe i should make a...

this was on my mind from some time. a clean slate and start over again with little more wisdom. I think I have reached at a point where I have a better understanding of what is personally important to me atleast at this point of time.

• spiritual growth
• health
• family
• work

nothing else really seems that important. the major cause of dissatisfaction seems to me is trying to fit it all. trying to chase everything that can possibly give you any pleasure. because the idea was very arithmetic more pleasure = more satisfaction. it doesn’t work that way. infect it is contradictory.

on the other hand satisfaction and lasting happiness seems to come from simplicity and clarity.

these four fundamental pillars I would like to focus upon, and cultivate. everything else, is by default out of my life. and if it wants to ask for my attention it has to prove it’s worth. and answer why ?