I can notice every time a hindrances arises, I have a clear choice whether to entertain it or not. some times while I know it is an hindrance, in all the consciousness I choose to entertain it. some times I don’t.

this reminds me some of the talks I had with my friends, when they say I know what it is, but I still I want to entertain it. but in reality they don’t. it’s a delusional trap that mind lays out. it’s clear ignorance.

there is an element of commitment. which roots from right understanding. once I start to loose right understanding. commitment starts to fade. in that short span of hindrance dominating time, it is quite easy for afflictive hindrance to win because self can not counter argue. and that moment of weakness, I helplessly add a little push to wheel of suffering.

it seems like the quality of life is poorer to the degree these hindrances are dominating. a lot of...

speaking of hinderances, today in the morning I felt mild greed and restlessness. and in the evening even more stronger form of the greed. and restraining from greed, is generating doubts.

I can’t seems to hold the mindfulness when things get boring. dullness start to grip so tight I can’t help but divert my attention to something more. like music or commentary.

specifically today I am feeling a bit more lost in the right understanding part also. fear is creeping every now and than, and manifesting in the form of worry, mild low self esteem or people, oh the people.

speaking of right speech, in the conversation I can hardly watch my speech at the moment. it is not harsh, or malicious but sometimes there is exaggeration.

if there isn’t healthy mindfulness, effort or understanding. so how can I not feel a bit lost ?

this is an interesting subject for me. I am somewhat uncomfortable in these situations. words that comes out of my mouth are not so clear. there is a tightness around my heart. there is clear unease in the body and mind. I like the silence and it is judgmentally unaccepted . there is another part of me which is very conscious about offending someone.

but there is also another aspect of it. If I look at the content of talk. It’s usually something I am not interested at all. it is usually meaningless, malicious and sometime very offending.

but what’s the preposition of it, why people do it. I can hardly understand the logic of doing it for fun. it seems like releasing of stress sort of thing. or chasing excitement.

the other angle is to meet and make new friends or strengthen the bond of friendship in informal way. really know each other more deeply. which makes sense. if you are...

my attention is hanging in the air from last couple of days, as I have noticed before mind usually has a very marginal advantages in this situation. in default situations very conscious attention turns towards confusion.

one solution I can implement would be to direct my attention towards anything, like a book, startup or learn more technology. and chances are it can bring some relief and peace.

on the other hand I can work on developing some insight. really put more effort to be more mindful, to identify hindrances while they are happening. meditate a little more. watch my speech and actions a little deeper. write about my day to day experience a bit more. see the problem from the close angle.

I can see from the time I woke up today. I was feeling lost ( doubt ). and a little bitter ( aversion ), I was making some effort every now and than to be mindful. I wasn’t miserable but nor I...

so I am again on this place, where I have no clear immediate goal. nothing to strive for. and I guess I know this place pretty well. this is the place which feels worse. this is the place where I move the needle without knowing the direction. this is the place where actions matters most. this is the place where magic happens.

it is amazing that a insane fight is happening inside me. a fight that require every second. but interestingly nature of fight complements everything rather than block anything else that I am doing.

so what I really supposed to do now. one thing I am sure about is to ingrained this habit of understanding, effort and mindfulness deeply. like morning ritual is ingrained. than only it make sense to even try anything else. so for this week I guess I am already occupied with it.

it makes all the sense, and it is a privilege to be able to access buddha’s teaching on path so effortlessly. but it doesn’t strike to me as a step by step sort of process. it is like a parts of a system, where every part supports others and cohesively they produce harmony, so it make more sense, to see where I am struggling or what are the herpies ( just a name for blockers ) right now. and work on them, the spiral nature of this path, should automatically pull one in the right direction.

so what are the herpies at the moment. or where should I focus more. or where can I make the most progress.

1. skillful understanding - I can clearly understand the law of cause and effect, yet I need more deeper realization of it. even after being aware of this knowledge still the pull of attachment is wighted more. I also need to reflect on impermanence, selflessness and no control. and cause of...

this was the week where I was engaged in life .infect so much that I wished if I had more time. I read the book about buddha’s eight fold path ( probably twice ) and write about it. it makes complete sense. it seems like a great framework everything that I can read, understand or wished fits somewhere. it arouses my interest to go deep in some teachings like five aggregates, five hindrances. 10 fetters. but I think as I have a good understanding of the framework, this week should be more about how can I implement it on my life. or the pilot week on the buddha’s path. think it through what step can i take now and integrate in my life.

spirituality - this week was a serious boost in this domain. I believe I am naturally getting pulled more in the direction of insight (wisdom) part of spirituality. organically it start to make sense that if mind is calm alert you can’t help but see the...

skillful concentration is the last essential step in buddha’s eightfold path. but not all the concentration is wholesome. like cat concentrating on prey. the wholesome concentration is free of greed, hatred and delusion.

this step is something which is beyond my comprehension at the moment. to me it looks like a separation between being aware and single pointed focus. and we are talking about deep deep single pointed awareness in this step. the level of concentration that can penetrate and see the nature of reality experientially.

buddha’s teaching related to single pointed concentration is referred as jhana. and it is explained these state of jhana can not only makes it possible to see nature of reality. but also produce immense happiness and joy. and I love the way joy and happiness is explained here

assume you are walking in the desert and there is no water, shades or tree and...

a mindful mind is precise, penetrating, balanced and uncluttered. moreover mindfulness leads to, insight, clear and undistorted inner seeing of the way things really are. wisdom is the crown of insight. the ultimate secret of lasting happiness and peace. practicing mindfulness makes quarreling with the world seems ridiculous.

the four foundation of mindfulness

1. mindfulness of body -

• mindfulness of breath - one can start developing insight on impermanence and game of desire by merely focusing on how desire of calmness arises when you inhale and exhale and how it gets interrupted by each other. how we cling to that calmness, how it changes into interruption. how when we try harder it creates tension, if we try even harder it turns into pain. and how the whole process is out of our control.
• mindfulness of posture - we can develop clear evidence of impermanence while observing...

at every moment we choose wether to embrace wholesome or unwholesome. we are not helpless passive victims of fate. we are not pawns moved by some greater force. in this moment we choose and in the next moment we experience the result of choice.

accomplish anything require effort and skillful effort is stick to it quality that makes the whole path possible.

but if you want to weed the garden, first we have to learn to distinguish weed from the flower. the same way we first need to remove the mental weed like anger, jealousy, lust and replace it with flowers such as loving-kindness, compassion. nonetheless root is always greed with ignorance.

ten fetters
according to buddha these fetters causes your thought to flow in the directions of suffering.

• believe in permanent self
• doubt
• belief in rites and rituals
• gross greed ( desire for sense pleasure )
• hatred
• subtle desire for...