from past few days I am allowing to entertain certain afflictions with the latent attitude of it’s ok to entertain these afflictions once and a while, what bad it is doing after all. and the next thing I notice is the frequency start to increase. but really what’s wrong with it, after-all I am enjoying it. ya !

the problem is choosing affliction is like loosing your power to affliction. loosing your power to mind. and mind wins. and what does that means !

what kind of happiness I am getting out of it, or suffering I am avoiding by entertaining these affliction, only gratification I get is sort of a habitual gratification, which is like making this rope even stronger by wrapping another thread, see if I am keep doing it. it’s like I am not progressing on my spiritual path, I am just stuck in this trap where I am growing my self a bit and than allowing mind to demolish it.

the whole...

I started this week with long walk on JBR beach. oh that was a great experience. the thing that makes most sense, and I felt quite excited about is starting a technical venture in education space. throughout the week I was researching about it. on the other note I quite felt loose and peaceful. I was also entertaining afflictions, actually i need to review my I don’t want to do that. and some guidelines. because mind has some serious advantages if I don’t have a clear conviction on something. also a thought of vipassana/tushita retreat in may was wondering. I was also mildly observing my nature of comparison. and man I was procrastinating about calling my bank, getting a haircut for the whole week.

spirituality - meditated 2 session of 30min everyday, very loose and effective. also I am realising you just can’t fight with affliction or illusion. it required simple contemplation. I...

you slowly becomes like peoples you hangout with. seriously, I enjoy working and living in flow. on the expression level, I should always be able to enjoy work.

but I am observing from last few days, in work I am drifting into a state of mind where I am keep telling myself it is boring and boring and boring. and than listen to some talks or music while working. just like the person sitting next to me do.

one thing is sometimes work seems like waste of time. read this. I miss the purpose. but that doesn’t mean I should sit down. develop the capability to work efficiently while things are unclear, and maybe boring. go a bit beyond of your regular mental traps. grow on the mental level. don’t water the weeds.

and lets raise the bar in work ethics. even if everyone is focusing on facebook. and doing other stuffs. help others to slowly raise their standard. man you even made chacha to...

I think when my parents had to make a choice about my education. they had two choices. english medium or hindi medium. and they ended up choosing hindi medium saraswati school, my parents were not very educated by themselves and I believe the whole motivation for them was to educate their child so he could have better future. they probably didn’t have much of the resources to know what would be the best school for me. and also not much of the clue on how schooling will make my future better. but one thing must be clear to them, without education it was all going to be dark for their child.

I don’t have much of the memory of my early schooling. all I can remember is reciting some arithmetic tables. sitting cross legged on the floor and probably being very obedient. I have some vague memory of playing, having some female teachers with parental heart. I don’t remember much but probably I...

what is the bare minimum I can start with. I think I must leverage technical expertise I have. so It would be more natural to start with a technological ventures.

I should also look into what are the current ventures that are happening around the world in ed-tech space. what are some of the clear problems that can be resolved technologically in a small isolated env.

I can participate in summits related to educational space.

get a bigger picture and opinion, why education exist. what is it’s history, where it is not working and all. how other countries are tackling it.

is there any way someone can get grant in educational research and can just people like me publish paper.

I think it would be good to start with bird eye view on these topics and locate an entry point.

this is the only thing which makes most sense to me at this point of my life. starting up a venture in education domain. I’ve always been very interested in this domain. it’s quite clear we need ( at least in india ). better people, people who cares in education system. and better solution.

I can probably write 10 blog post why it is so important, and how current system is really not working. but that is not the point and I know in my heart it’s a real problem.

the question is why I want to tackle this problem over other problems and my cozy life.

the fundamental reason is “it’s worth it”, which puts everything else in perspective. the meaning and caring part of it is a major reason. the compassion aspect of it.

the second aspect that excite me is going through the process of creating a venture and learning to create something from nothing.

another thing that makes it so...

oh this was the challenging week (may be what I used to know as low period), mind was too powerful. powerful enough that it actually lured me. I felt like mind was stretched like a rubber band and allowing it to regain it shape was quite relaxing, also I was stumbling with morning ritual. even though I did meditation and exercise everyday. it was way less than heart-full effort. I had to push it in some instances just to make sure I do something today. initial novelty was wearing down. yet importance of it remains the same.

the relaxing thing doesn’t work. infect the empty stretch of time was owned by afflictions. the major thing that I felt was missing, is primary goal, all kind of thought like doing an MBA were proposed by mind.

I also felt I am done with bootcamp thing it’s actually 4th week. the thing I was expecting to came out has already been come out. clear guiding...

even though everything is falling into the place. still I am not feeling fulfilled. on the expression level life is good, I enjoy my work. good mental and physical health. very good sandbox, I like where I live and cafes around me. neither I am worried, depressed or anxious but not fulfilled either. hanging somewhere in between.

it’s after a long time I don’t have a main priority, and I am not looking for answers in desperation. instead I am more interested in aspirational quest.

I don’t care that much about expression level happiness. what I really aspire about is meaning and purpose. but I am quite empty on what to do now. and what is the best thing to do when you are empty. explore.

exploring experientially - this is something I was very excited about few months back when I was nomading around dharamkot. one thing I really feel like isn’t that be so cool if I spend next 10 years...

somethings takes time specially dealing with your own mind, and sprinting in these scenario is taking me anywhere but on the correct path. contemplating guiding principle twice a day, is not going to make them internalise twice as fast but consistency will.

don’t tighten up your focus on things so much that you become serious, just lighten up enough so unnecessary things slip away.

a part of me was trying so hard these days, as this was my primary focus. infect so hard that I was kind of expecting linear growth. if I invest twice the hours will surely be twice as quicker be affliction free. I don’t need to say about the result.

the thing is, spritual growth is a marathon. and sprinting is insanity here. and thinking that I can sprint the whole marathon would be madness.

even though it is a primary priority. it can not be primary goal. it’s a subtle and consistence practice. and it...

last few days were interesting. I was so overwhelmed by certain affliction that I had to entertain them. and it felt like I was not letting them pass but suppressing them like a dam holding water. once the dam was broken mind overwhelmed me. I couldn’t follow morning ritual and for that matter of fact I couldn’t see much of the value in anything I am doing right now. it was like I totally slipped into that alternative reality. than just like after passing initial breakage of dam flow of water calms down I felt quite ease and grace today. I can start seeing things more of as they are. this is something I used to think is like fatigue, and it’s very real. and this is the difference between practice and just thinking. things like these doesn’t happen if you only think.

also there is very fine line between letting something passthrough and suppressing it.