There is only one central goal where all the energies will be spent for next year, maybe year after. I will watch my mind, learn it, vipassana, do whatever needs to be done to master it.

To support it I need to make sure I am living in 90% of my income. To do that I will master the full stack developer and work as a senior engineer or train people, the goal is to earn 6 lakh per year. 50K is all I need in general to sustain myself and continue my search.

Currently I am doing this course in mountblue and make sure you bring enough value to them so they don’t need to worry about any thing else.

At one level I am ok with this discomfort. the discomfort of the mind. all the screaming, suggestions, action, reaction and everything, what I am not ok with and what I am coming out of is the lack of direction. these are dwindling desires.

To be honest I am going through this transitions rather bravely. The only thing that really matters at the moment to continue your practice and supporting yourself financially.

Life is throwing challenges day in day out. Not even challenges but events. I am facing them without any clear senes of direction. facing all the noise in my head. with a sense of calmness and on the level of mind sense of weakness and judgement.

I am at the point where I can see I can actually transform my mind. I can see a lot of it and I can see it is changable. I can see it’s foundation I am aware of what it does.

I know what is the most important thing to do. I know it very clearly and I am going full time into this.

The only real challenge is finance which can possibly put a barrier. Every day of every inch should be dedicated to this.

At the moment at the level of the mind and the voice, the foundation of beliefs is the heart of the problem.

There is no action in the awarness, The actions are in the realm of the mind, the doer is right in front of me, and I can clearly see it. it’s not me. If doer needs to act, it needs to act on the basis of the truth not the beliefs and lie.

There is this body and body ages and with time will become painful and die. this is the truth but it is based on understanding.

If in the haste you can end up building beliefs quickly, The enquiry has to be thorough.

Is there any thing I know experientially?

I know the instaiblity of the mind, the nature of jumping here and there, I know the sensation of the body. I know there is a breath. I know there is a sound in my head. I know when my mind has expectation it becomes unstable in front of that expactation.

So there are truth in many...

I need to devote myself to the resolution of mind and having a path based on the truth.

Next one year, is where I wanna devote to this practice. I need a place to do so, and how can I maximize the growth here.

To support this process, I need to financially support myself. I can freelance or teach javascript and continuously invest in learning this. Become world class. Work on toptal and channel that resources to maximize the growth.

There is nothing more important than resolving the mind, and having a path based on truth, the current challenge I am facing is the lack of this path because it seems to me everything is founded in beliefs and beliefs are founded in non truth. There is lack of experiential truth. And experiential truth is everything.

Beside this one of the pressing concern is relationship, renting or not renting the house. How to manage the finance. Maybe even family. Yoga TTC.

I can actually invest my full time in vipassana, resolution of the mind and path. Infect I can do this sincerely for next one year. I can rent the house. Relationship I need to stop. I can manage one year without money, and I can freelance on toptal. and consistently learn more and grow. I can support family financially or my brother can support at the moment.

To be honest the real challange is to maximize your spiritual...

If you really want to understand and conquer the mind, and stablized in that.

I know it is because of the vipassana that I am able to win over the lust. It is tested and tried system and the env. is probably the most conducive for it.

There are couple of people who mastered it, micheal singher and don meguile. They specially mastered this perticular area. learn and relearn from them.

Having a home is convenient.

You need to figure out some way to make enough money that you can work and earn without compromising your quest.

There is an element of the real world it is what stimulate and shows you all the shortcomings in you. This could be a great tool as well.

The challenge seems to be clear and the next step seems to be matrealizing

There is the mind, the voice and thoughts. It is acting based on the making good impression, what needs to be done today etc.

The mind said I need to ask for the raise and then mind said I am mean and the mind said I am a failure. It is hopelessly trying to all the desire real.

The desires or beliefs are founded on some kind of knowledge and they are not true. and mind attempts to use them as a foundation to make me happy is just senseless.

This bridge has to be crossed.

Take the example of Lin. She has some great quality, she has a bad past. See how volatile the situation is.

You need a way to get out of this dilema and have a sense of real right and wrong. you need to have a very clear idea of what I am calling I and it’s nature. You have to sort out this area of life.

This has to be your first...

So I am in this state, there are certain beliefs and then there is this personality. There is some kind of understanding/belief that voice try to protect. The behavior of the voice is so expected.

How do I build these beliefs? or how can I be stop being affected by them?
and what is the difference between truth and lie?

There is a state where I start looking for the support! Throughout the day you need to observe the mind very carefully. To understand all these things experientially.

One thing is when an uncomfortable thought comes I can choose to not react and observe the sensation instead.

That thought is coming because of the old habit pattern. A kind of a protection system.

If you are not interested in the nonsense of the mind, you can be in the present moment.

Belief, Desire, Thought, and Ego this is what mind is made of.

Is it challenging to observe the mind? It is not...

The mind is constantly justifying about why I was right to myself and other people. and then judging heavily. The truth is if you try new thing you hustle. You make mistakes, you learn and you become better. and then creates the poor self image.

You can remind yourself of the truth and let the whole judicial process be there, it does not really have any power. just don’t play this game. After some time go away.