The center ( spirituality + work ).
Health -
State of indecisiveness | Direction and compass -
After working for around 4-5 years. I was feeling very strong unease inside myself. and it’s not that there was something wrong with the work. Infect I was very passionate about the work. And until that point I was kind of excited about where it was taking me. It wasn’t that bad, but I knew it wasn’t taking me in the right direction. I could push myself for an year, maybe few. But I can see things are not getting better either. What was making it really challanging was that I didn’t know what was the problem. I couldn’t put my finger on it. All I know is I am not satisfied. Eventually I realised that I had a wrong map. Initially I was so happy because I thought It will taking me to promisland but eventually I realised.
After working for 4-5 years. I started to feel strong unease. It’s not that there was something wrong with the work...
There are four main areas of life -
1. Master the worldly life -
I have nice 2 bhk flat rented in a good society, adequately furnished with proper kitchen and comfortable setting. Maid to take care of food. A room as a studio to shot the videos. A perfect setting. I am living in a place where I have excess to coworking spaces and cafes around. So I have a good place to live and a good place to work.
I have a yoga studio nearby where I attend my yoga class, and I eat sattivk simple healthy food. I feel energized whole day and is an excellent health. My mind is quite and concentrated.
My work is aligned with my strength, value and interest and I am obsessed with it. I find it meaningful to myself and meaningful for others. It is challanging and engaging and constantly helping me to grow and serve in a meaningful way. I am making enough...
The lethargy, followed by strong lust. It completely Hooked my attention and I am lost, unable to see, intellect is planning how can I get it.
I can not see the whole picture. All I care at this point is how can I satisfy my lust whatever the consequences maybe. When I am in the grip of it. I am unable to think. I Really want to just take her out.
In between there is a gap. Now there is no such thought.
Force of desire is insane, the same kind of force I felt yesterday about working on the directional thinking. Or shifting in kormangala.
There is one assumption though, If I follow it, it will increase.
What if I let go the ideas and concept and do nothing. And trust the nature to create the right action. Will that work. Will Something happens by itself. Without me doing anything.
There are stream of thoughts and I am observing them.
Will I be aligned the way I suppose to be.
Imagine living in a decent 2bhk flat with fundamental comforts. A good bed. Well equipped kitchen. A nice table and chair. A carpet. A lamp. Fridge. Washing machine. Clean. A built in studio to shot videos. A nice locality like kormangala. A maid to cook food. Sometime cooking by yourself. Sometime having guest. Sometime having family. Having a wine for the occasion. Slowly adding more taste. Maybe a book stall. Having clean meditation place. Enough comfort that you are not worried about place. An anchor. Imagine having a car.
Now imagine having a good yoga studio, cafes, workplace, communities around you. A kind of a place where you can engage as per your desires. A regular community. A regular workspace. So it takes all the guesswork.
Imagine being obsssesed with your work 24/7. From morning to night you work on yourself. And you work on your work. You grow every second. Until you...
What are thoughts?
Aligned the desires. Build the intensity by repetition and urgency. Sharpen the thoughts. And intellect will be asigned to it.
Automatic thoughts -
Justifying and impressing J. There was already need to impress the secondary charcter, before it was akhil, now it is J. I met her, talked her, liked her. And wola. Thoughts start to roll around to impress her.
Directional thoughts -
My fundamental desire to self mastery. Which lead me to meditation. Reading for years. Experimenting. Searching. Get hold on to this need. Specify it. .Now align your desires with it. And then repeat it. Until you become obsessed. All your thought...
There is a self judging voice inside our head, accompany by self suggestion and an image of perfection. A part of us try to prove it’s worth while other judges based on an image of perfection. The more we engage in this stupid game, more powerful this process becomes.
Morning I was tempted to ask for allout in a1000yoga. If I have reacted I might have rewarded or punished. God knows what this judge would do. I didn’t reacted though. And it passes away. There was a weak judgement of If don’t do it that means I can’t do it. And If I can’t do this that means I am not good enough.
These suggestions are what makes it hard to act properly. It is like someone is freaking out. And it that makes it more challanging to see.
The image of perfection is such that I have to keep doing these things to keep proving my worth to myself. Almost endless stream of it.
If I make mistake, as much as...
How comfortable you are feeling in a social situation is a direct litmus test for your self esteem. Now there has been time i was feeling extremely expressive and state of mind was such that there was spontenoutiy and ease. For example yoga Retrat. Even when someone was not responding appropriately, I wasn’t taking anything perosnally I knew it was there problem.
And than there was times when I was feeling tough tight. Sighing, apologetic, defensive in terms of what they will think.
Take two situations the love proposal at dwani. Vs playing game at deejays.
Acting while you know your self esteem has taken a hit creates even more downer self esteem. You end up creating deeper cuts.
What makes you feel bad after you bad performance is your self judgement. Strike at you self image.
Why it is so hard to accept that we are wrong. Because we think we suppose to certain way. And if we are...
If I repeat the same line over and over I can give the direction to my drasti, how I would like to perceive it as.
I tried 30 min of everything is an opportunity and in the stream of thoughts, in some thoughts [50-70-%] judgement start to change from explaining others to an opportunity to grow. The are were I was empty, I start to see how I can build my seduction skills.