Tomorrow I am taking this interview. I am technically prepared. I have done around 50 questions both ways, It takes me around 10mins to solve the easy question. and around 20 for medium one if I already know what to do.

From the preparation point of view, technically I am ready for it.

psychologically, couple of challenges, one mind does this spin on what if I fail, its afraid of failing and benchmarking itself.

Sometime it is focused and sometimes opposite of it.

One thing is it helped me to really learn.

At one point the brain starts to get hurt. I was moving towards the trail of doom but than switch back to doing meditation, it was hard but than I start to feel strong pull again.

I was certainly eating to satisfy the taste not for the health.

I was feeling urge to talk to other people, strike a conversation with a very fat women on lift. I was afraid as I talk more I will feel regret as they becomes friends.

I was working on the questions and mind was turning negative, being afraid that what if that and this, totally unnecessary. I continued, and my performance was off the chart. 8-9min for an easy question, 20min for the harder one.

I woke up late, I was feeling like over pushing myself so I woke up it was easily creating the env. for being more laid over.

The mind takes both sides once if I pass i will tell this and that and if I fail I will tell this and that.

There was a tendency through out the day that I was moving from mind to breath.

There was the moment where I asked somya becuase the voice was troubling me and then the ofcourse the voice changed to the usual I am so weak etc.

In the evening lin was mentioning again about the relationship is not going as she wants. she wants happy ending. I am in a way not saying but a lot this daynamics of she is acting weak and I am acting as no there is no problem here, see.

so aug/15th I will be moving to the next step.

There are primarily two steps I can take, One is to get on the toptel network, and travel and work as a freelancer.

The second is to get the job in london, canda, amstradam… and gradually progress in your work from there.

A very good idea is to attempt the first one and then go for the second one.

So the first attempt is the toptel. to master it all I need is a very strong practice of algorithim on codility. If you are able to solve all the questions and maybe did one quick pass over it again that should be enough.

It doesn’t require me to have a polished resume etc. and on the weight of it I can actually use it to get to other place as well and it is very black boxed. throughly making me prepare for the interview.

I was feeling derailed and then I start working on hacker rank, quickly I felt very motivated.

The boy asked for the pen and I said yes and then mind went for the ride of being taken advantage of.

I try to role play with lin but she wasn’t reciprocating.

There was a guy who told me I can not sit there.

A night before I had a conversation with Lin where I kind of roll my back and slept while she was talking, it really hurt her bad.

In the afternoon I had conversation with her and I shared more and more.

As I am solving these problem there is a fearful voice that tells me what If I fail.

A day starts at 5 and I sleep around 9-10. This is the window I am working with on daily basis. Over the day I fight the battle, relentlessely, everyday. The night I rest and then the whole drill start again tomorrow.

Happy, unhappy, satisfied, inspired, low self esteem, confidence, depression, stressed, hurt, confused, focused, dispersed, It is all in the mind. Infect this I is in the mind. Beyond it is awareness.

This whole thing running on autopilot is designed to be suffered. It is random, chaotic, unpredictable, and extremely changing.

This battle has to be fought very systematically, No matter what kind of understanding I come up with this will not resolve because mind will change.

This has to be done systematically over the period of time, compoundingly.