There is nothing worse than the ease of comfort of let things be the way they are when on the other hand the pain of uncertainity and discomfort of navigating unknown path.

If I leave her I don’t know if I will ever find someone with close proximity. and with someone I have spent so much time and know fairly well, or I believe so.

On the other hand If I continue and get married to her, I am stuck and I neither feels ready nor I feel comfortable with her many flaws. And then there is this intrusiveness about meditation.

I had enough time to make this decision, I wrote criteria and what I want and what I don’t want and all but the truth is I am not 100% sure about her. There are things the absolute carelessness, easily give up, body health.

In the meanwhile nither I am saying yes nor no. is the state which is the most dangerous one.

She is speaking from the place of frustration...

I felt unease when the Konark was talking about company, judging everyone, he was offering a good deal and should be appreciated.

While I was talking to nikhil, I was advicing more, instead of letting him come to the conclusion.

While Walking and talking Lin mentioned many times I don’t appreciate her instead I scold her a lot. Another thing because I was reading educated, I felt being a bit abusive to Lin.

completely present in the task in hand - When you are doing something, you are not doing anything else, fully and completely present in that task only, ofcourse the mind will be active. but you just release it.

solving the problems of yours - Solving if there is any problem, like multiple mental information and conflicts between them.

Letting it expressed - Expressing yourself fully, present and open and let whatever comes flow. ofcourse

Four domain and constant growth - constantly defining the next level task and attempting it.

just sitting and watching - just sitting through and watching the mind. all the emotions and and voice and drama, just watching it.

The worst thing you can do is to continue acting by mind. And second worst thing you can do is to waste the time. Another worse thing you can do is when you already know what to do but because you don’t feel it, you are keep coming to the same kind of solution over and over again. These are kind of the traps.

Now when you are doing something you get into one of these zone.

Now how you should act. You can have more than one philosophy, the modes you acts on. And it is ok to switch between these modes. Now if some strong information comes it has to go through these gates.

I made a quick decision on doing panchakaram. didn’t think it through, did a small negotiation. As a by product some fruits wasted.

I was doing my practice of programming and as I am struggling, mind is becoming unease, there was lack of clarity in that. like I am doing something aimless.

In the evening Lin shared with some of her struggle and I kept saying you need to release these blocks.

One of the major negative of relationship is this kind of obligation, This sense of you have to do some stuff for other person. I would like to do 2 days retreat. but it is not practical when you are living with someone else.

The opposite is also true. A relationship can also be supportive. Like cooking and helping others in hard times.

Today she mentioned she is having lack of memory, having this body problem that body problem and so on and so forth. the mind of mine felt little annoyed, it is like I am making a very poor choice. Her irritation on small things. And then for this I need to compromise

I feel like I want to dump her.

See just from the starting point of something that I didn’t like to hear to the point of I want to dump her.

I was faced with problem that were challenging, mind was agitated, self defeating and then I continued and then I felt even more energy.

In the evening Lin was telling me she doesn’t want to go and I felt a bit frustrated so is when she was shared that she was sick with rashes. I felt like I want to end this relationship and doing it because of politeness.

A part of me procrastinated when I could have just sign that paper.

First rule is the mind becomes negative when you face something more challenging than what you already know. this is useless voice. it kind of hinders, and makes you to move in different direction. learn to ignore.

The key is to not give up, tolerate and continue, this is the best mental training, giving up or switching task can only produce unproductive state of mind. If you completes the task, it gives a surge of energy afterward.

If task is way out of hand see how you can create the stair but don’t leave any task hanging. this creates the negative mind.

Just like mind there are healthy and unhealthy cycles of relationship. Unhealthy cycle is first of all projecting your problems as others, creating a sense of obligation in other, closing off. doing things out of obligation, not sharing, strong judgement.

Healthy relationship is when you are happy and you are sharing your happiness. You are intensely present with other person. You are alive and hasn’t given up. You don’t control other person in any way and give them space.

One of the most concerning aspect of relationship is to compromises. for now I need to act more sexually not because I want to but because of in a way kind of obligation. So is spending time, it definitely ask for compromise and sacrifices. If I just do what I want it starts to become feeble.

Another thing to understand is my naive personality at this point, To me synechron was a great company, and so on so forth...