Know who am I and if there is an existence beyond mind and body - Is there truly a reality beyond mind and body. What is awareness. finally resolving this mystery. What is an appropriate and reasonable approach to explore it?

A unified mind and how to live a good life - A fully resolved mind without any conflicts in it. What is happiness.

A mastery over mind - A good attitude, Productive, Purified, Strong mind. Emotional management.

Social - Power Being in the position, financially, communicationally, optionwise that in your current relationships and future endevours, you are the master of your actions.

Social - SOP Standard prosidure on different scenarios.

*Social - Relationships/ *

The mind needs to be understood and unified. The action has to be deliberate or the the expression of higher intelligence.

In a moment “I” feels angry, in another moment, in another moment I made a mistake. This understanding influence it. It takes a kind of effort to not do these 1000 things mind is keep telling, than what exactly to do is not so clear either. sitting idle is the worse case. there is this whole chaos about the mind.

Resolve to be in the game and play the game, live, and stop the nonsense. The challenge I am facing right now is what to do. this is not extremely clear.

What I don’t want to do, is live a passive life, and feel like shit. Let other people decide what I should do with my time and life. That is the worse form of the life.

What I don’t want to do is kind of withdraw. A sense of give up.

The world has its demands, Lin everyday pulls to make her feel secure, parents are projecting their sense of discomfort on me. Other people try to pull you to complete their dream, Mind prefer ease, habits, and distractions. So many voices. And I don’t know what to do.

Nothing is worse than going with the flow. Not making any decision, hether and thered by others need. Weak.

I have every strength required to pull anything possible. If required I can change the mind in any way sutaible, if require I can work 13hours a day. If require I can do the vipassana day and night. If require I can create a great social life, earn a lot of money and

Lin told me in the morning that I look like girl and than she said sometime I am stupidily stubborn. Both things hit my mind.

I was feeling not so good than I started following the trail of doom, and getting worse and then I do the vipassana came back to normal quickly.

There was a tug of war between thoughts in the sense should we do communication course together or should I continue deceptive mind on my own.

I saw that guy with glasses playing the kind of the game with that girl or it might be my imagination.

Naneesh called and I am still replying with gentleness, a memory flashes that some times I am gentle and some time not so much, rails holder.

My brother called me and instead of believing what he was saying I was more skeptical about sadguru and all. going through deceptive mind course.

In the morning I saw the old message in shared and then we cried, a lot, and then at one point she mentioned to join back or something and mind rotated in other direction.

I felt lethargic today but I continue to push on and work. completed couple of task in codility. Although while trying to select the course I was wandered on many front.

I had a conversation with dhapola, he shared and offered the journey to london. I felt good and mind derailed. couldn’t focus on the meditation.

In the morning Lin was talking with hatred in her heart, about she just came to say goodbye, I will make decision for you.

In the evening we had a long conversation, emotional, both of us were crying, she told me about me having no other importance for her, just myself, and she could not reach me, nither heart nor physical, why physical is important, she just want to do things because she feels good about me, I told her about my struggle internal, and I said so this is the last time we are talking about and than she cried hard. the mind was trying to speak in between but I didn’t give it much value, later we took a walk in park, and she mentioned where are you and in a way trying to say I can wait if you want. the mind flips now it says i don’t want to before what if I don’t find someone like her.

Because of the morning session of panchakarma I was feeling discomfort in body whole day...

Yesterday night I was talking to Lin about what makes the relationship good, that we need to compromise, and then she said she doesn’t like all these questions, All it needs is heart, no thinking, I will pay penny, then I felt sleepy and she left.

We talked about the sickness and having someone to take care of. sharing and giving.

In the morning I cut the crap and ask her about did you sleep etc, and her answer was I don’t like all this and I came to tell you all this. No girl like it, You tell me to do it and say it is dull.

She is speaking from the place of pain and frustration towards life in general, she was thinking about all this from a lot of time, and came to conclusion that the reason of her unhappiness is me. she is clearly speaking from the place of unhappiness. and saying and doing all this is not going to help her.

To me this relationship is not important. I like it but...