Default - In the default state, You endup trying to fix any emotional disturbance, biased more towards ease. Random youtubing, easily moving towards sense pleasure, It all further produces unhealthy state of mind.

My direction is coming from four domain, A lot of time is being spent to keep refining it over and over again, and kind of coming to the same conclusion. There is also lack of effectiveness in the way I learn, it can be more effective. There is not strong energy and urgency. Also doing meditation also blocks the career. and relationship blocks the rapid progress in meditation. If I let go social becomes kind of a problem.

There is another way in a way I am trying is this principle oriented living. having set of principle to operate in all the situations, since situation keeps repeating in more fundamental way, these principle gives clear point of action in that perticular...

In the therapy, we started on the topic of relationship. I am in this relationship from last 2 years, and the decision of wether to continue or separate is being dragged, which is nither good for her nor good for me.

One of the thing that bothers me is her abortion. I don’t think it was intentionally, but level of carelessness, after that she separated from last boyfriend. but how does it make you feel. I don’t know how to feel about it, but it does not belong to my world. what is this world. It is something uncomfortable to accept. Have you talked about it. We exchanged the mail but than we never really talk deeply. You should talk more deeply.

More than this abortion, It bothers me that her health is not good. Her physical health is amazing but I am afraid of her emotional blockage. Is she lack of energy all the time, Kind of, with me she is always happy, but clearly lack of energy...

I talked to theripist, she basically made me write the pros and cons. I told her most of the things I generally tell anyone but exercise was helpful in the sense of getting rather quicker help.

I was walking on the upstair saw that cricket thing and felt the sensation of fear. and mind was getting activated about solving it.

I felt kind of lost in the sense not solving questions and not working on manifesto. and after a walk and talking nonsense to some people I came back and restarted the problem.

Why - On the level of mind, there is conflict, noise, there can not be any peace, change, restlessness, suffering, beyond it first of all the libration from all this, fear, death and there is a peace. It is subtler than mind, On this level I have complete control over mind.

What - The one part is the knowledge, It is substratum, infinite, The cause of mind etc. I know it is peaceful, It is not comfortable with some experiences. There are masters who walked here, learning from their knowledge is one part. Then with vippassana I am facing all the experiences, becoming firmly established in it.

How - The scripture which are mainly about this.

• Astavakra
• Avaduth
• Tao
• Yoga Sutra
• Raman Maharshi
• 9 Principle Upnishad.
• Bhagwat Gita.
• Sandeep | Survapriyanand. The practice of vipassana.

Routine -

• Dedicate one hour for knowledge.
• One hour morning and one hour night vipassana practice.
• Once...

Awareness - There is a point of view from where I see The mind free from the mind. free, peaceful, attentive place. There is no desire, no confusion, no conflicts. There are certain quality this state have, karuna, mode, peace, etc. This is also said to be substratum for other realities. It is completely independent of the objects of mind etc. Having clear knowledge of it and realization of it and being firmly stable in it should be the goal.

Vipassana with consistency is incredibly helpful. It allows me to see the changing objects and know I am not these, experientially.

And then there are masters who has spent more time in this state and can explain further. Now the danger here is if it gets into the mind, it becomes the structure.

On the level of awareness you can not understand anything, understanding is lower function. although you can see.

I called the doctor and he didn’t pickup the phone it created the mind that i am a bad guy maybe.

I shared a lot of stuff with Lin and I was sharing about akshada and it felt if she became distant.

There is small way the physical intimacy is growing, in the beathroom and the way we play with each other.

The messuage came 10mins late the whole session I was thinking about injustice , then he didn’t bring water, forgot to take the BP etc. and I gave corrective feedback to doctor tried to make good point first.

Akshay called for the interview. First he sent the message, I was cold, then he called. I could have said no. But I wanted to help so Took interview.

I took more than an hour long interview. The guy was getting frustated and I was feeling to withdraw but continued. He was also revolting.

Unifying the mind - There are different principle thought conflicts in terms of basic direction of life. Resolving them and building a cohesive direction, in terms of what I should do with life.

Building a strong self esteem - There is a concept of self here, kind of cause and effect relationship, negative value judgements, can I build an ego that is very strong or create the cause that leads to the strong sense of self worth.

Defining enough - What I will consider enough to say I am satisfied. What is enough.

Letting go of toxic patterns and engage in fruitful patterns - What are the toxic patterns I want to let go and what kind of pattern I want to engage in with.

Knowing internals of mind - Knowing thoughts, emotions, will.

Experimenting with Mind - Playing with different aspects of mind, imagination, memory, internal sounds a kind of mastery over it.

The first goal is the knowledge of self and awareness and where all the scriptures are pointing at.

What are the quality of self and validating that in meditations.

Me and Lin had a serious fight today, We were sitting and she was complaining about I am not a good house helper and she had already decided, and what I had to say about this cooker not fixing etc. She was probably looking for more security and I was feeling enough and said I think it is unhealthy to continue she left without me I called and then she came kind of a tense env. Mind is flipping both ways.

I went to office and work on algos. I couldn’t prioritize the relationship

In the evening I notice she was going somewhere alone and I followed, I couldn’t meditate and this flipping of mind is constantly there.