Some social scenarios affect my internal states, the voice gets activated and speak and emotions rises. Kind of old habits of acceptance, comptetion, disagreement, judgements etc.

The complete lack of social stimulus may activates the desires to be social.There are finite set of repetitive occurences that keep happening socially,

There is a clear rule of receprocity, interdependence and power daynamics that are there.

Then there is a relationship between two peoples, the romantic relationships, the confusion and being in between state with Lin, what makes a good romantic relationship. Is sex is counterproductive. What is my stance on romantic relationship. What it offers and what do I want.

There are certain obligation about being in relationship with family and friends.

There are certain kind of relationship you can have with different people, learder, mentor, student, partner...

Spirituality - There seems to be two level of spirituality, one is on the level of doer and enjoyer and another is on the level of awareness. I and the structure and laws of nature of the level and success and survival all belongs to the level of I and beliefs. Meditation, scriptures, libration and what is beyond that belongs to the level of awareness.

On the level of I and beliefs, there is this series of cause and effect that creates the another I from the last I. There are a bunch of I that keep changing, confident, confusing, doubting, loving, compassionate etc. they are constantly changing and are very dependent on the structure of beliefs.
You can select certain I’s which are better than others and feed them.

So there are these I’s, beliefs, past impressions, emotions. Understand this block clearly when this block becomes visibly clear, that itself changes the structure of...

When the conversation happens you are either self aware, or you are listening. In the conversation you should always be listening.

In the conersation, reading a book, basically there is always a reasoning, an opinion about something, what clients want. how to live the life. what to eat. The opinion no matter how convinced someone is, is not the truth is point of view.

Why reveals the reasoning behind that assertion. The tendency to just believe should be change into the tendency to see the reasoning and validate the truth behind it.

The argument quickly leads to the defensiveness or aggresion and it is contagious, you need to be focused on the logic and desire to understand the truth.

When it is becoming the argument of who is right, there is nothing to be gained, it is better to focus on building safety by giving respect and redirecting the conversation on the mutual subject.

In the code reviews I felt at unease since I was feeling unfamiliar with redux thunk so after first review I just wanted to give up but I continued pushing forward and then I felt surge of energy and after 2:30 I wanted to do more, and wasn’t feeling lack of energy infect opposite.

In the morning I decided to switch the lane and do the know what matters instead of doing the aptitude and react.

I was feeling quiet happy as I was descovering that the voice in the head has some different kinds of I and just this structure of belief.

I switch from reading to watching my mind today while coming back from cult.

With the doctor this time I asked for the x-ray.

Being a Sr. Full stack Javascript engineer while travelling around the world for next one year. This will challenge you mentally and your beliefs has to be tested severely. This isn’t going to be particularly fun experience but it is going to be extremely educating experience. And in a strange way it will give you a lifelong freedom.

In terms of options, one of the best option seems to be the toptal | remote work. It allows me to choose right kind of work. and working remotely gives me the opportunity to travel the world. And being consultant I can earn fare amount of money as well.

In a nutshell I can travel the world, have significant control over time, getting to the next level in programming, having significant control over my time and my life, having solid financial resources.

It is pretty clear that there is a system of beliefs and many I’s. and there needs a major refactoring.

While I am listening to other people. I can not just accept what they are saying, What they are saying is there interpretation, sometime there is a truth that you can easily agreed with. Sometime some people understood right things. sometime what they are saying is just there observation and it can be wrong.

The way to know the truth is by observation. Like a scientist if you try different ways and find cause and effect and understand the mechanics, sometime you just assumed. but the challenge is while reading others, first accept there will be somethings you can learn by seeing from others perspective. what they are telling you how somethings work becuase they kept there attention there or did a lot experimentations there.

When they are telling you something few things will be...

The incident in bus happened while I clearly know where is the silk board I kept asking the driver and he pretend that he doesn’t listen, and then he look back and gave me a wired smile.

While in the auto I felt unease seeing indian people trying hard to qualify for the musician’s attention and I was playing important.

Musician paid 200rs while asked for 100 bucks.

I conversation with dhamma sevak around the hindhu muslim and goneka ji and osho, so is mumbai guy displaying winning argument about cow and milk.

There was a sense that I can not really find truth by listening to sandeep or others, sooner or later their point of view ( vishva and brain chemistry comes ) and it leaves me at unease.

I was giving the standup and santu starts to do the same thing that he was doing last time, this time I pull back and said well I think it takes 3 weeks, and he started to talk It took me 7 days, In between himanshu was doing both are good kind of thing,

I praised sharath in public and he was hardly able to stop smiling.

I had a poor start of the day woke up 6:45. and then did learning in office, In office I was hardly able to focus start looking for chang mai, and the thought rotated to travel with Lin to ditch her.

I was hesitant while asking for the mid day leave, thinking of wether I should apply for the half day or not.

I am becoming go to guy for the technical ability in office.

The daily grinds and battles. the daily learning, adoption and moving forward.

Tomorrow I will be going to vipassana for 3 days. come back with little more clearheadedness.

A thought of start travelling to chang mai and bali start to bubble up. The idea of living in these places for 3 weeks and so on.

I need to think of relationship and Lin as well, keeping her on hanger and so on is not a great idea.

Staying on the battle and continue can be one of the best strategy.