Things are sticky in the mind and changes are inevitable too. What ever I repeat quickly starts to crystalize in the mind. whether it is sitting in chair for 3 hours or going out every 10 mins.

Slowly things disolves in exponential manner, first I stop watcing porn and now I haven’t masterbated in don’t know since when. This is the gradual process of casting out unnessary things.

The vipassana from 20mins to 3 hours…

Be wise about taking these actions.

When I do the vipassana these one days one, it somehow centres me. even though the vipassana I hardly able to do.

In the vipassana I am engage but practice is hardly happening.

Lin replied I shouldn’t tell anyone that she is getting weight.

In the evening I just sat in cafe and cool off, when the impulsive nature arises it seems better to not engage instead of getting swept away by clicking and going down to spiral.

While talking to vignesh I was loosing control.

I didn’t felt like doing the 4 clock session but we did it anyway. in that session himasnhu was telling oh in one shot, And I said someone has to be selected.

In the lunch I was telling about my journey in women land.

Yesterday Ashish had a very strange conversation, he was advicing me about why I am not getting married to lin etc, what is stopping me, in a way challanging me and creating very unsafe env. Asking very person questions with high degree of judgement. then I started to ask him question about his pursuit for the women, and he was getting emotional and unstable. It was hard to flow...

Given the shortness of life, and equalness of moments, why you wanna waste any moment. Just use every single fucking moment, consciously in the direction you want to be moving.

There is anything these days that made me off mentally, I have this innate understanding that it is just he voice and the emotion and it is transient and will quickly morph.

I am reorienting the know what matters, and coming up with high priority task. This kind of thinking is not perticularly pleasent. but you have to kind of stay present and be there. After coming up with solution again, it won’t necessarlly feel right but I can still continue, the result comes later. If you are methodical and clear and continued on target.

The challenge in a way is that I know what I am doing is right but then loosing either the sense of clarity or getting lost in the mind. Or time to time being unable to carry out the plan.

Emotions has the tendency to pull me here and there. With every iteration of vipassana I am getting stronger and focused.

Loosing time in the diffused state is the only loss...

Life is perfect. Making mistakes, feeling like shit, learning like king. And a smile on my face.

This week I realign what is important to me in terms of spirituality, and social, maybe I am a little tired at the moment the state of mind changes like anything.

I am progressively getting better.

Sometimes when I had conversation in past, many times with J. it was effortless and there was synergy and one thing leads to another. sometime it is not there. Learning does not hinder this.

So one possibility of relationship is to drop this pursuit all together and spend more time in meditation and vipassana and come to know myself more deeply.

The second option is to go further with Lin full throtal, kill any ambiguity, commit to her and continue your journey anyway.

The another option is to close the connection with her all together. Or continue it as it is going that will give you more time to understand your self, the final option with her to close the connection all together.

The fourth option is to explore other relationships with different people.

I was having all kind of feeling but I continued forward with my regular know what matters session at the end of the day I had some written down stuff.

I am keep seeing this pattern of the mind out of preference voice comes and then dissolve when I listening the superior man, I don’t have to agree although me started to saying things in accordance to the book. I can listen to the information but I don’t have to agree.

There was really loud voice when I was listening the 3% man, and the fear that other might listen to it.

In the standup I observed the santu and ashok interacting.

I had the coconut milk in the evening I don’t think now that it was a good idea.

i changed the regular routine because of ashish.

The mind and the relationship - The joy, sarrow and whole nine yard of emotions are going to be experience in the realm of mind and ego and this is the place where I can truly find the answer. If I understand experientially the block of the thought then I know the real reason of relationship.

The cause - The cause of the relationship before was exploring, lonliness, lack of experience, at the moment the desire of women is there, and then I need to reinvent it by seeing if there is a requirement of relationship, interdependence or living together can be more fruitful. what are the possibilites of the relationship.

What relationship is - The relationship is two different minds coming together with different personality, desire and understanding. based on the personality supporting and enjoying, or controlling and degrading each other life.

The element of relationships - Sex, money and...