I was annoyed when the guy called me that he is going to 10 mins late.
I practially scold pradeep on his poor performance.
Watching more techincal videos are feeling more sleepy, and at the end of the day I feel drained and spent out.
I felt strong and willing to do the best in the yoga class. and I enjoyed it.
There was a struggle with telling parents that I was hanging out with preksha.
while talking to preksha she asked how I support myself I told her I get paid 24 lakh/year.
While telling that I am teaching mysql prepared statement etc, himanshu made a joke about private and public school and It all seems to be the lure for the trap of acceptance.
Preksha I gave feedback about her class wasn’t what we generally do in mindfit.
Tarun asked for the review I said no than I realise that it was my mistake I went and saw.
watching david’s video I end up buying his book.
I am fluctuating mind is telling me to take the break and I am taking break, in the evening it becomes rather less productive.
In the morning I felt the fear of lose of reputation and this idea that telling truth and loosing respect both are just ideas and on the level of mind.
I felt a little bit uncentered because of the women.
In the evening Me felt at unease at the yoga class, asking for the charger, and thinking of calling akhil.
Checked mails multiple times in between.
Mom was telling me the story of guys getting beaten by the relatives. and being bad mouth by people because prachi is wearing the jeans and tshirt.
Telling me about girls taking advantage of guys etc.
I felt unease, and wasn’t really arguing, arguments before hasn’t yield any results. It is clear if I argue I will just fan the fire.
I was talking to father and he was asking me to come to ramayna and I said I don’t want to connect to the people there.
And when father left, he said don’t do something that can bring shame to me.
Spirituality -
Work -
How can I grow most rapidly in the field of spirituality?
Vipassana is very helpful, It is far more superior than reading because the direct experience is there, it is clearly purifying me, so unless I reach the final goal I want to continue this with maximum but healthy acceleration.
I think regular 2 hours practice. weekly 1 day course and 3 months 10day course. after 9 months 3 month course. and experiment with monthly 2 days course and serving 10 days every month or twice in 3 months. This is giving me very high degree of acceleration practice. couple it with daily spiritual reading. There is nothing more needs to be done and can be done.
This I will apply after this batch.
In terms of health and survival, health is being taken care of. and survival is ensured. I can do Yoga TTc. and I can work in london. but they are more of luxury not the essence, I can improve my poses and...
I know what is the most important thing is for me, this self knowledge out of meditation and even reading upto a point, this purification, libration, and being established in wisdom. Having clarity of this level. Maybe designing a new me, maybe restructuring the system of beliefs.
There is a survival and health, that needs to be taken care of, and on level I am doing it.
There is partner, Lin, and there is a career that needs to be designed, maybe being established in self resolve it, or maybe me need to design all this and play.
The different aspects of mind and me is becoming clear. There is a sense of upward movement. The habit of reaction is changing into observing.
Mind in a way is gross and subtle at the same time, It can be observed and sometime the identification happens.
There is a clear way of this I being born and die on the level of mind. The riddle is loosening up. I can be more sharp in cutting these knots. Another 3 days and then 10 and 30 days vipassana is coming and I know I will be aware of more subtler aspects of mind and will be more purified.
After this batch I don’t really need more money I will have close to 20lakhs. and upto date knowledge and in a way I kind of have enough experience of all this.
Talking with parents, they were asking for the marriage again, I replied slightly intense.
I was giving standup, gave a lot of information and opinion, and it was inviting opinions from konark and others.
While giving others opinions, I said things which I didn’t do myself but to impress others on some level.
Times move fast, my parents came and now they will going tomorrow. there is a structure of mind, and it is repetitive, and a lot of stuff there are counterproductive. It is easy to get busy.
Financially I am getting secure. Spiritually I am becoming more aware and clean. Worldly more clear, maybe.
My health is good and I am neither breaking nor putting a lot of effort in relationships.
I am aware of meditations and purification, but I am learning what I should be doing, or wether there is a need of doer.