what you want - I want to grow and help her to grow and build the relationship to ease up the loneliness and create the env. For flourishing.

mutual pupose - like each other. the desire to be in relationship instead of living lonely and seeing if this could turn into more serious relationship.

apoligize and contrast - it was my mistake to go to deep I should have apologized and build contrast instead of going silent and fighting for the air.

my story - I went to silent, because I was feeling disrespected and sad. Because she is angry at me, she said I should do all the house work.

ask her to retrace her path - why you said it. [angry | silent]..

Yesterday there was a conflict between me and Lin. She worked hard to cook paratha, I had it and then I had my milk and then I wrote the post and I was hurring up for her to watch the movie. I created the plan for movie in the morning and she seems to be happy. I smelled her hair and become intrusive, her face turned a little angry like someone intruded her space too deep and then she said in angry tone you should do all the work and then you will see. The conversation turned crucial, and I retreated in silence, making her feel regretted. Then she came to bed and I close the laptop and cancel the plan for the movie. And then became silent. She tried to make up a little and then started to silently crying. I was still pushing hard on her and talked less ask her more and be silent. I was a little selfish.

She also mentioned I take few things for granted. like I am shutting down the...

So I applied for the Vipassana course and in all the truth I said, I had sex, 2-3 glass of wine and 1-2 hour of Vipassana. Now Bikram read it compare with the criteria and rejected the application. I think it was easy no for him. It makes complete sense from his point of view.

When I saw that message I was furious, in my head I was I should not talk to childish, it is better to lie. Then I bad mouth to Lin. I even saw some people smoking and all in the Vipassana, It was complete lie. Even I was watching my thoughts with some detachment, my mind was angry, hurt thinking how would I apply somewhere else. Vilify him. One good thing I was doing what I want for Myself.

Me bad mouthing was completely wrong. Especially to Lin. I should have talk how he is right instead. And seeking sympathy and just plain lie to support my side was even more wrong.

I should know what I want and how he see...

Morning I went to the millet cafe with Lin, we had good time. And then in the there is this person, I asked him to take the plates. And then he came again for asking if he can take that other cups.

Then he stand there while I was playing with Lin. And then I look at him and laughed. Then he was standing there, looking at him again now it is turning kind of awkward. Ignoring him can also feel a bit of the pain.

The problem here is the emotional intelligence of this guy, ideally he should not be poking around other people. Or at least keep standing there. In his mind he might be even helping.

The tease is because of him I am not acting the way I usually do. This is the problem, he is also giving me opportunity to release the need of other person approval.

You should continue doing what you were doing relasing any tenion, ignoring either his presence [ letting him know non-verbally it...

How can you separate people from the problem when their emotions are the problem. They pricesily label their and others emotions and once they do it they can talk about them without getting wound up. A relationship b/w negotiator and counterpart is thurapatic.

It looks like you don’t want to come out, it seems like you are worried that if you open the doors we will come blazing with gun, it looks like you don’t want to go to jail..

Playing dumb is ligitmate negotiation technique and I don’t understand is a ligit response.

Tactical empathy is understanding the feeling and mindset of another in the moment, and also hearing what is behind those feeling. They know if they empthaise they can mold their audience. Empathy is not about agreeing with other person its about understanding them, it helps to understand other person position why their action make senes to them and what might move...

The great negotiator aim to use the skill to reveal the surprise they are certain that exist. They are best serve by holding multiple hyposthese. Most of the people just make assumption and stick with it out of faith or arrogance. While great negotiator are able to question the assumptions.

The less important he makes himself most important he probably is [ I/me We/they ] really you need the whole team to hear him out. It is not that easy to listen. We are easily distracted and engage in selective listening. The best way is to make sole and all-encompassing focus what other person has to say. The goal is to identify what your counterpart needs and get them feeling safe enough to talk and talk and talk some more of what they want. The letter will help you discover the former. Listening, validating their emotions, creating enough trust so real conversation can begin.

Slow.It.Down...

Today morning I was feeling a lack of aspiration and disoriented, Now there are many streams including change in food, sleep, lifestyle, intimacy etc. Another cause is hustling without result. But the main one is kind of loosing the why and big picture. The sense of loosing direction or getting close to one aspect create this. Too much routine also create this.

Disorientation is the sign of either short term changes like sleepiness, over routined, lack of success, or loosing the big picture and why.

Know what is the reason and solve it. Even better do it preventively. Build this into the game to revise the big picture and short term game. Do something more tangible, and suffel the routine now and then. Food, sleep etc. has to be improvise.

A flash of panic came and passed away. I am sorry Robert How do I know he is even alive? [ the open ended question | calibrated question ]. It buys you time? Give your counterpart illusion of control. Without knowing how constrained they are by it. The farme changes from how I would respond to how he would handle the situation. For every threat and demand I continue to ask How I suppose to do that. And know my child is alive.

Andy would throw out an offer with airtight explanation and I will respond with some version of how I suppose to do that? The question I was asking seems to insinuate that the other side is dishonest and unfair. That was enough to make them falter and negotiate with them self. Answering my Calibrated question requires deep emotional strength and tactical psychological insight.

It is a passive aggrasive approach, I just ask same 3-4 open ended question over and...

It feels good when she play around me, wrap her arms around me, make a joke, laugh, the self is peeking from her. Playing.

It feels good the way she depend upon me. How much she likes me, her genuine kisses and hugs. Affection.

It doesn’t feel good to sleep alone, working hard and living alone. It feels good her head snuggling in my chest. Lonliness, Belonging.

She can share her pain with me, she cooks food and breakfast for me. Take care of my clothes and help me in any way she can. Helping and Sharing.

It is quiet intense pleasure when it comes to intimacy, and the deep comfort makes it more fun and exploring this part. Intimacy.

There are expectation of her going to be unmet and met. So will there be expectation for me. Conflict.

She affects me and I affect her upto certain degree. Or her need of affection and my need of affection they affect each other.

At one side being...

Integrating the data. What is my already current understanding and adding more insight and understanding into this. What I need more breadth or depth.

Form autopoilate, to intellegence. Currently the way it is going is driven by mind. And it will go in the direction of sweage if not given the direction. The impulses of egotism and sex will lead the way. A clear boundaries are important.

Then there is gridlock as it involve her as well, of wether I want to go all the way or what exactly is my stand, she had shown her interset. And she asked me indirectly many time what is mine. A clear answer or explanation is required.

There are certain effects of the relationship, or maybe because of some other stuff, I am not as focused or driven. And then it is consuming and pulling thoughts and energy.

Then i do need to solve the puzzle of marraige.