spiritual -

• Patanjali meditation
• astavakra.
• eternal games.
• learning of the day
  • Satyananda case | discomfort of parties | vague, silent, getting their way
  • Mom, invading boundaries, advising walasker, recieving repairs.

social -

• retrospective relationship | what can be improved, what went right and advice for the next week.
• crucial conversation. State my path. Explore others. Move to action.
• relationship draw
  • solitude | sources | thoughts
  • relationship elements.
• relationship posts
  • what it takes
  • images I brought
  • pound of unease
  • what it gives and take

work -

• drawing the full need map.
• the different level of service
• the tree of personal importance
• the foundation of personal importance
• the need of blogas
• the source of desires
• support for product
• different images
• two origins
• concrete desires.

health -

• 3 yoga class
• cooked paratha, snack
• sleep
  • two...

unease in solitude - when I am in solitude, not interacting much, things seems sometime meaningless. And there is exhaustion, then if I am working on something hard and it is not producing results there is pain of that as well. A strong thought of relationship and social release arises. Or in general I feel a bit more unstable.

Actually there are many streams that create this pound of unease. Not healthy food or general routine, struggling for the workspace. Knowing sell outs and self judgment. No clear direction.

This pound of unease creates certain kind of thoughts based on the fantasies, fear and memories of mind.

The thoughts could be of revising a good memories, fantasizing about sex, worrying about marraige. Compare and compiting with other people. Before it used to be about tease of virginity and taste of relationship.

What if I could reach to the point where I desire nothing...

Today morning, lin came to me and said sorry with trumbling voice that she ignored me and she felt sorry for it. It was the repair attempts for the mistake she thinks that I didn’t even notice.I took it as an insult. That she willingly ignored me. And acted hurt and thought about it for some time. And as always leaving it all together.

Everybody has their personal life including me and that can create the distraction and pull someone attentions. And make them feel closed. Taking something like that personally and imagining I am the cause of their disturbance, is a stupidity.

Then it was purely the act of affection. And took some courage from her. Since her voice was trumbling. A repair attempt that screams I Care.

I should be encouraging and thankful for it. Instead of egoistic and hurtful.
Identify when a repair attempt is being made and receive it. You can be little playful...

It starts with default, when I am in the realm of mind identified with it. Either I feel at unease and discomfort. And then thoughts to come out of that unease flows, the most prominent one is relationship. It is there because of some conditioning. That thought is the beginning. Behind that thoughts are beliefs, attachments, and illusion. Behind the belief could be some ignorance or truth.

One of the belief behind it is that without social contact somthing happens inside that create unease.

The promise of relationship is multifacade. intense social proof and being conditioned by media and society, constantly putting this information inside my head. Sexual need and thoughts related to them. The information I was fed was insane. There is natural attraction to other sex. Competitive show off, hurting ego by reminding that you are vergin and it is such a shame. so the ego is envolved. So...

When I was living in Dharamshala, I was feeling sense of loneliness in a way. I was working towards freedom and understanding, but was craving ins some way the company of someone in the evening. I was also feeling a bit disoriented as house, routine, direction..

I was imagining the fantasies in the morning. And I hated it. Now I am playing though them. Increasing or understanding them.

Then there was this desire to have someone when I come back home. Now Lin is here mostly greeting, hugging etc. Sometime cooking at home, sometime going outside.

Sometime it is quiet happy like the time we went to vatsalya, sometime quiet silent like the time in brewsky.

Form last 3 weeks I am living with Lin. This is very pleasant experience. She take care of home. Cooks. Clothes. Intimacy. House. Love and affection. Going out.

It is somewhat in autopiloate, and based on the data. It needs to be refined. And because of the autopoilate a lot of things I am doing is basically following my mind.

Toady walasker called me and asked me for the advice on since he has money now what should he be doing.

The way he talked was how much money you have and constantly changing thoughts, his questions were not clear. He thought about taking off from the work. And doing something that is more interesting.

My intention wasn’t clear either. I wasn’t sure what should I be talking about. My intention should be to be him happy. This was the chance to serving. He has a nobel motive and I could help to figure out the right direction.

The way I could help is to get him clear what he is thinking kind of being a rebound mirror. And then filling the larger picture. And let him come to the conclusion.

Instead of interfering I should have listen him first. Find the clear why behind his strategy. And then telling your perspective. Whenever you are asked for the advice, listen other person story and...

Life is simple, at one level you will always have challenges to resolve. Your family, partner, friends, survival, work, colleagues, health, disease, meaning, purpose, hairstyle, waking up in the morning…

No matter what you have achieved or at what level you are, at the level of mind, there will always have challenges to resolve, always, like a breath, you might as well relax knowing this is an eternal game. The game of growth and flourishing. All these challenges are ultimately for cultivation of our own mind.

At another level there is peace, always, like air. You can always let go knowing I am not the mind. Slide back. Dettached. Contented. At ease.

Today walakser called and asked point blank how much money you had when you start travel. Something similar to sohail’s home guy.

I don’t want to answer it. I don’t have any strong reason not to. I was unsure and now I am kind of polarized. I don’t want to share financial info. Once you passed this info other person is free to distribute it any way he or she likes our use it. Second the reason walasker was asking because even if he is not aware, he is comparing and want to prove himself to himself and me.

Interestingly I tried to justify myself. Because it is not helpful and then debating on that reason. Then walasker was also accusing me, making guesses, toning down the request. And praising me at the same time. The situation was fairly complex.

Now what was required is a flat no. I don’t want to share this info. If don’t want to I don’t need to. I don’t want to share this info. I...

How can I find the concrete desires of different segments.

create the desires from the source. based on my understanding of the sources of desires I can create a desire based on a truth. And I can see which kind of the desire I want ot serve.

I can research different product - I can research different product and see what kind of and how they are serving different desires. And expand your core of source of desires.

free flow of ideas - I can also jam around different ideas that pop into my head.