I am more aware of action reaction inside my mind. I can observe and let be most of the part.

There is a voice inside my mind, speaks non-stop morning to morning. If follow leads to very dissatisfactory state, if not follow keep changing. It is very tempting and easy to follow.

There is a will I can decide to move my hands, think a thought, sit in the presence of the voice, act between the noise. It seems to be sharp and blunt at times.

There is a intelligence. And it constantly work, either justify, understand something. Connect dots…

There is this this senes of I, who takes thing personally, get offended, who is this I, there is a sense of continuity from the beginning, even though my beliefs has changed, my physic has change. But it is there.

There is this self expression, when I am secure and centered, time seems to collapse. Intense experience, there is no effort or plan.

There is this wall of belief, the personal agreements and truth. Like a silent wall everything is being judge against it, weather I do it or someone else. All the wants and desire spring from it.

A desire is an offshoot of a belief, it could be a desire to impress someone, or avoid certain experiences, or matching some image.

With desire comes emotion, intensity of sensation is parameter of how intense desire is. An internal reaction bound to happen but an external reaction is in hand. If not entertain it becomes feeble.

After reaction to desire come the self justification, reality generally don’t match the expectation created by image. Because we really believe our beliefs are true and need to be right, we start to justify and refute reality.

This indigested experience turns into the memory, and we play the same game inside our mind, trying justify the reality to match our beliefs...

Few days back I met sixen, I didn’t ask for it tired. She just came and sit in front of me, and has a nice conversation and I asked her phone number and today she came out from no where practically conversing non-verbally for me to ask her out. She seems like my type. And tomorrow there is a dinner.

Now at the moment my focus is major recalibration and I haven’t got to the point of social. So in a way I am unsure, and my impulsive reaction is to go out and go far.

Recalibration is far more important. And if this is going to produce any disturbance you have to let go.

She is here for couple of days, if I get intimate I might feel good but it will take a serious hit on my equanimity. And then I had to deal with all these memories. Sex will only disturb things.

Go and hang out have pizza and good conversation and good time. But if things get heated up, clarify that your priority is...

There is a different kind of happiness which is spiritual in nature. One is peace, no pleasure or pain, the state in itself in superior than both.

Selfless service [ compassion ] is another source of experiencing strong sense of meaning and selfish actions on the duality front will create opposite experience.

Self love said to be the another source.

They say there is a place called nirvana or self. Realizing this said to be the end of the game, a permanent solution. Transidental love.

Being human you will have to live and master the human life, enjoy its pleasure and sustain it’s pain. But do not look for happiness here.

There is another element of purify and surrender.

Then there is a constant that is never changing and it is said that it’s nature is pure love.

The cause of ignorance is the need to be happy and avoid suffering. This need filters through belief and crystallize into a desires. Everything that I am doing impressing others in the realm of thought, wanting a relationship, heat in the room, appearance, not offending anyone, in someway are attempt to be happy by collecting the tokens of pleasures.

Attempt to stay away from tensing sensation, or conflicts, people telling me things that i don’t want to hear. These are attempt to avoid unpleasurable situation.

Stoping noise, good cafe, wants people to stop doing what I don’t like, then doing it all over again in the realm of thoughts, planning so things play out as I want.

Things I find happiness is with, with times that happiness fades, jquery, cafes..

Then there is a satisfaction of achieving a goal. Set the goal of creating the videos series and than archiving it. Although I...

Some things clicks, meditation, four domain, some books speak, four agreements. at the end of namshi I know I had to go, at the time of EE I know I need to leave. At the time of github I know I have to go to work. There is certain things you just intuitively know you have to do. Even though there is no strong plan forward but it feels more clear than anything.

There is a cause behind every single action. If I am feeling certain way in certain situation that means there is a reason behind it. An understanding. Knowledge. The reason is an agreement that I believe is true. And some sort of desire backing it.

I feel hesitation of should I talk to that person. Two conflicting agreements, I want to focus and know before what I am doing, I want to feel secure.

A reaction of any kind will be a coat on the underlying cause. Making that sensation a bit more intense next time.

Going over washroom before public speaking.

You can decide to not act infront of the effect [ porn | masterbation ] and it start to become feeble,

There is more than one cause. Low self esteem and disrespect.

You can not stop yourself from reacting but you can stop acting. Even better act with understanding.

Not coming before the time but come after 5 min. Not only not...

It is this faculty of understanding, understanding how something works. Looking at something and finding it’s mechanics.

It is the reasoning part which explain why it is certain way. For example rationalizing why I shouldn’t be talking to other people.

Looking at something and understanding it. Connecting two thoughts, experiences and finding pattern in it. Or projecting the future. Machines video by ray dalio. How to stay focused by me.

It is havily tilted by wall of beliefs, try to make sense of the situation based on that. So it can be dead wrong. Sohail is suffering.

It is the process of connecting dots based on the data. It is me trying to unserstand the social graph at Dharamshala.

Remit beautifully connected the selling with tiered selling to satisfy the intelligence.

Different people have different point of view and ways to connect the dots, so different version of...

I don’t know what voice was saying in the morning. Hell I don’t know what it was saying 10mins ago. I have no idea what it was in yesterday mediatiaons.

If I go back I remember it was a good experience when I kiss the Lin, it was bad experience when prachi cross me over puja. But I can’t recall the sensation, the feeling itself.

There is a flow of event, constantly changing, letting me know where I lack, what I have mastered, teaching me anything I would like to learn or experience.

At the moment of experience, experience seems so real, quotes in vipassana. so never will go kind, but in days it is totally forgotten. Few experiences which has intense feeling associated with it, stays. Even Akhil is fading away. Ashish has totally forgotten.

If you digest and let them pass, it is like a flow of river, smootening out any wrinkle.

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In my mind I want to impress other people. In reality it hurts when they point out my mistake, tell me I am not prefect. Criticize me. If I tell them what they suppose to do then I also take personally when they didn’t even say something.

If don’t like something that means I want it’s opposite. If I like something I will hate it’s opposite. Drawing it’s power from desire.