Living in communities where you can interact with other people. In a way, it uplifts your well being. You contribute and support others.

What happens when you live alone, some parts feel dry. It also depends if I am after something. In that case, not so dry. It is when I have no goals, and I am by myself, I feel something close to lethargy and lack of drive.

Now there is a group of people, who constantly provoke others, Morena is the best example. there are other people Punjabis in Dharamkot. If the world has to offer that then I will rather live by myself.

Then there are communities and people that do not affect me much, I do not connect with them and it does not really matter If I stay with them or not.

Then there are people I like spending time with, there is ease, there is laughter, connection, etc. It may not happen all the time but some time it happens.

You can build the...

I am the awareness or attention. My body gives the signal in terms of sensations. Mind is nothing but air, the voice within. The heart is of nature of ether. There is a model of desire and beliefs and it is coming out in the mind in the form of voice and emotion.

I am the awareness and I am the power and I am the will. The only power mind and heart has over me is these different kind of voice and emotions, Once I make decision that I am not letting them run my life, I am free.

I am free, and I am playing, and I get to decide what I want to enforce and I what I don’t.

Everything I am doing, working on. There is this judgemental process of going on the side by side. It is disturbing and childish.

There is another process going on, This is four domain and the mastery. This is where I can put my focus on.

The challenge here is you leave these senes pleasures, and lower level stuff and left with kind of peace and almost everyone is saying the experience is of the nature of bliss. Micheal singher says it, Yoga says it, Budhha says it. Is there a way I can experience it.

In my retreats and meditations I am just getting involved in the mind, or feels detached for a moment.

It is almost as if I am ripened for this. I have all the power but waiting for a decision point to turn it around.

What I change is the way I look the world, desires, habits, beliefs…

If I wanna change anything, I need to be very comfortable with the sensations of change, urges, tilmilahat, agitation, noise. I have to be willing and comfortable with these.

Urges and frustration and lethargy these three elements you must be with very comfortable.

These are the desire for ease.

Desire for respect and praise and competing and social acceptance.

There is attachment to habits, in a way I know how I am acting is suboptimal but because I am habitual to it, I still do it.

The more I engage the more the repetition happens and it gets reinforced. And in the process I loose time and that too of my youth.

There is this source of inner world and it is very clear.

The senses - Sex drive, food, beautiful object, music, smell, a sensual touch. They indeed are the source of emotions and voice, and lead to action. They work according to two laws. Whatever I do will come back with more intensity, and whatever is coming is impermanent.

These urges have the form of emotion and voice. and they are uncomfortable, and they are the same on the interface level. And they have power over me.

They also have this element of Joy. It feels beautiful and enjoyable to engage in them.

It is like they are enjoyable and then easily become addective. and then doing them is not fun but not doing them is painful.

Is there any need involve here which not being fulfilled adds to the dishamony, this can only be about sex. other senses are not really required to be super fulfilled.

Here very important thing is...

I watched porn today, and I was flirting with sexuality. All the elements are there, all I have to do is make a commitment. How I wanna build my life. which direction I want to take my life.

In one way is possibilities, learning, satisfaction, meaning, balance. on the other hand ease, weakness, wasting life.

What I do starts to repeat. You have gone through the face of exploration and it is time to build.

Libration :

Vipassana - The practice is very clear, observe the sensation, experience it, and realize the impermanent nature of it.

First thing you should be able to observe the sensations, that means you should be able to scan the body 1-2-3 times in that one hour without moving your body. You can assess based on that. You need to work on extending these rotations.

The effect should be that you loosing the attachment and aversion on deepest level and releasing the samskaras. The more you do it the more librated you become. The more librated the more clearly you can see, more clear the better decisions.

Selfless service - It is the best experience available to me, in terms of all the experiences and selfishness is one of the most disturbing elements available to me. In one stroke it solves two issues. getting rid of selfcentric disease, and opening up to the most pleasurable aspect...

There is this lower self. It has some predictable way of acting. Senses[food/sex], ease, fear of losing out, social appraisal, avoiding the discomfort of thinking, engaging in complains, competing, judging. This feels good in short terms, but it is time lapsing and repeating effect. If I engage in these I feel good in short term if I don’t I have to face the urge, and noise in the mind. It also has this hangover effect, and not so much self esteem effect.

Then there is this structure made out of beliefs, habits, desires, and preferences. These has the force, and result in ease and judgement, the thing is there are some really good things here in the structure, like meditation and some not so good like perverted desires.

There is also the way of knowing what is right and continoulsy doing it. It is actually hard but it leads to somewhat fulfulling life, and somewhat dry life.

There is...