Who am I?
This body I am not, This voice in my head I am not, these emotions I am not.
The voice is active because of my attachments, It is almost as if a computer. It is fragmented because of many different desires. Desire for certain states.

What is left beyond body, voice and sensations that I am.

The voice is kind of generated by myself. sensations are kind of automatic and affects me severely. Some of the sensations are good feedback that let me know for example that I am hungry.

My nature is love, compassion, mudita, equanility. My primary goal should be to completely established in this reality.

If the relationship creates the obstacle in this journey, you should let go of the relationship.

The mind is ultimate problem solving tool, and heart helps me to interact with the world. It gives me feedback about the world.

Can these meditation practices lead me to the point where...

What I know for sure is, I will continue prioritising meditation for this year. I will not be taking this decision based on attachment oriented voice in my head. I will not be engaging in intimacy.

What I know for sure, I will not live with her in the ambiguous state. That left me with two choices either live with her with commitment or move out.

There is one thing that is very clear, I will not live with Lin in the state of ambiguity. Another thing that is clear that I will be focused on meditation and won’t be engaging in intimacy this year. Another thing that is clear that I will not be listening to the attachment oriented voice in my head.

The decision with Lin was taking so much time because I was trying to take the decision based on pro and cons, and this kind of decision can not be taken that way, or If you take it that way, you will have to face other voice. so basically taking decision on that plane is problem. The foundation of decision is how it will make me feel.

So the option is clear, either live with her in a way that is good for me and good for her or move out.

One thing to notice is her state of mind about relationship is she has moved on. Her emails are fairly cold and it seems she may be in mild depression.

Check your mails, once in the evening.
In the night remind your self what is it about. Where you are going.

The purpose of vipassana is to clean up the samskaras, and it does based on my experience I know it does.

The practice is straight forward. Keep your eyes downcast. and eat in moderation, the whole point of eating is to strengthen the practice. Every 5 days , clean the house and give the clothes to wash.

Get clear about the decision right now. Infect you are clear about decisions right now. It is what it is and I don’t need to make decision. Mind plays the trick, and heart feels unsure, These are not the decision to make. The only decision to make is in case you get sick ask for medicine.

There is not any direction to be given, and you have your task well defined so it is the game of will and focus and It is the highest priority.

The practice is basically to let go of any thing that comes up inside. and learn to be able to be comfortable with any emotions that comes up inside.

And direct your intellect in a meaningful direction. From morning to evening for enquiry, learning, and problem solving. practice. Another good use of intellect is to change the mindset.

Use your will to do this, get to the point where you can do this morning to evening.

This is the practice basically. Practice it daily.

Free, fulfilled, complete, full of peace, joy, compassion, enthused, and love such is default state of being and it is stable.

Free from all the samskaras, and all the preference, quite such is the mind.

Clear, sharp, focused, such is the intellect.

Joy, love and enthused such is the default state of heart. It plays it tune when it interact with the world sadness, fear, excitement… and then it dissolved.

Body health is loose, supple. and at ease. Such is the care you take, It roar like a lion when it needed. Well someday it will go away and peacefully you can let it go.

The relationship is about cleaning yourself, and sharing the love and joy, It is always about others well being, not the mental happiness, but genuine freedom.

In work, you just keep getting better in your work, more financially free, You express your love and enthusiasm in your work.

In terms of health, I will do a Yoga TTC. and 1 naturopathy retreat this year, on freestyle I can learn some cooking.

The most logical step is to continue building yourself as a programmer, and businessman, and continue learning. instead of taking any kind of drastic steps, My job is pretty good in all the sense, it is honest, enjoyable work, and it provides me great opportunities, control, finance, and resources.

Along with this, use your intellect to start exploring the opportunity in this orbit. and see if you would like to explore them.

See if you can make work the extension to your meditation practices.

Keeping it simple allows me to continue on the path of spirituality with ease.

Heart is a beautiful instruments. Heart is what we experience, the sadness, joy, fear, passion, jealousy, attraction, bliss, aversion, boredom….

Awareness is the experiencer. and it is what experience the heart, and it has the power of will. The challenge was we were not comfortable with certain emotions, so we willfully suppressed or if we like clinged to certain emotions. and those becomes samskaras. And now these samskaras are trying to get released and creating these thought patterns.

We can use the same will to relax and learn to experience the full range of emotions, actually we can experience the heart in its full range. The mental pattern invokes the heart and reaction creates more mental pattern and so on so forth….

Emotions are very impermanent, and in its purer state, it emanates relevant emotions, they stay for some times and then passes away, unless we try to supress or...