The letting go -
The thought and sensation arise and you just allow it to pass, you do not force but disengage.

Outside and inside - The information playing on each other belief giving it the rigidity, but the sense of identity fusion causes suffering.

The power - The power of awareness, will, thought ( habit ), and emotion, The power of awareness is supreme, The more I engage in awareness, the power of thought and emotions come back to me.

Voice- The voice is automatic, but there is a choice in action and speech, I can choose to act or speak, or let go of the voice. If the voice is there and I do not believe it then it does not cause the actions. When a discomforting combo comes and start acting to avoid experiencing it that is a poor choice because it starts the whole cycle.

When I have not chosen something clearly action is weak, all the different information acts in parallel and...

How do I know I am not the external world?
Because it does not move on my will. and it is external to me.

Why I believe I am body?
Because I experience the sensation of body. Body move on my will.

Although it is constantly changing without any input from me. A lot function happens without my will. It is an object that I see. If I loose the body part my sense of Iness is still completely intact.

To the extent, Body is a living organism with its own process, and I am the experiencer and controller of it.

Body has taste, touch, smell, view, sound, one is raw sensation and second my heart reaction to it.

Am I a combination of thoughts and emotions?
For some reason, I believe it, but these combinations are just coming and going.

I am the knower of thought and I can control it, although it is also a creature that has its nature.

There is this blankness and then thought and emotions...

I have started watching porn innocently a couple of months back in January end. Now when I am meditating this is coming and easily distracting me. and I can go in that direction.

It is a filler. It does not do anything meaningful.

I started the day late and did some meditation, took a walk and then slept, in the afternoon, I started to become more active and centered. And then I started to get into the groove.

Now I am not going to throttle this progress by useless actions and tomorrow I will fuel it further.

I started the day at 5:00 and did 2 hours meditation, and then I slept and then I had breakfast and I started the process of thinking I kind of draw 4 quardent and started with mind and awareness, and then I tried to to meditation in between but keep falling asleep, and distracted and listening to auidos. after lunch I got into sexual trap, and I tried to write it again then meditation and keep getting distracted by voice. Yoga, meditation. Cooking Samosa.

This week I need to go through each aspect of life and become crystal clear about where I am going.

This is on the level of mind, the voice speaks and action happens, there is an agency which can overnight it. Actions are also seeds, so they come back with more stimulus of same kind. If I do not do them, and choose wisely, the voice and the sensations are kind of discomforting.

While the voice is saying something, can you let go of that. and choose the wise action instead?

The second challenge is, there are different sensations, and action happens based on these sensations. dullness and sleep.

Both of these are impermanent.

Can I take the right action, regardless of any combination of thought and emotions.

The voice tells me now I need to compete, it tells to focus on sex, and then judges me back, and then cycle continues… An actions are happening on this level. and I am getting deeper and deeper hell.

On the other side is the exercise the power I have. I know what is the right thing but I am not doing it. but that requires effort. on the other hand the things mind says are easy, they do not require effort. It waste time and bring things in the mind that I had to deal with later. or it sinks me deeper and I feel bad about myself.

This is the unique opportunity and in this, you have to work on this level only.

It is simple, all you have to do is, don’t go to lower self stuff. Instead work on your mind, on your skill, on yoga, on cooking, on relationship, and read books, or just sit and meditate. other than these don’t engage in other things. and exercise your power to stay here.

I am not being productive, engaging in the lower level actions, and state of mind is not pleasant.

There are these burst that are happening like a energy blob, I am watching movie, reading book, or watching porn… in some way this kind of comes out with the force.

There are these lower level actions like food, sex, and timepassing that are getting their hold on me.

I am also not thinking and deciding but more or less going with the flow.

There is a sense of calmness and ease amongst all of it.

There is also this sense that I am not going to come back to this world again so experience the hell.

There is this is sense of just nonsense of the mind, and with some more upliftment in the level of consciousness and I am out of this mind games.

I do not have any external stimulus and what is happening internally is not fun, and then I have to look for the pleasure in the people, food, sensual pleasure.

Can I find something inside me which can be my refuge? Where I can truly say I am ok if not ecstatic. beyond this endless cycle of desires.

There is a lot of happiness related to the thought and the way I see the world.

How can I let go of the thoughts that are of the nature of the lower realm?

The challenge is thoughts and emotions, and being sucked by them, the opportunity is to continuously release them and gain further victories.

There is a pattern and the challenge is it is an easy pattern, that leads to the poor and problematic state of mind. Sleeping more, path of least resistance, Sexual, and tongue related taste. These are the gates of hell. You have to be very careful of entering these gates. There is nothing good comes out of these, then momentary relief.

The second challenge is thought about self. comparing and feeling like a loser, self-judgment…

There are also volunteer actions that gate for haven. making effort when it is hard to make effort. doing hard things, when you know they are right. letting go lower level impulses. making progress everyday.

The output on the level of self judgement is very positive.