Vipassana -
Must -

• Morning evening Practice
• Sleeping and waking up

Good -

• When you are free ( since this is the most enjoyable act )
• Affirmation ( Sensation | Anicha | Samatha )
• When Walking
• 3 Days seva

Other -

• Meet Jaya Sanghoi
• Meet Advait
• Vipassana community
• Vipassana video series.

The process and the wise actions -
Must -

• Take a firm decision you want to do it or live like 60year old yoga.
• Stop Garbage Input ( Youtube, News)
• Daily evening mindful review
• Morning video on scripture
• Use affirmation to override the wrong clinging and add good knowledge.
• Use affermation while sleeping.
• Be aware of sensations when they get intense.
• Meditate on
• Meditate on -
  • How clinging creates desires
  • How Everyone tries to condition the process [limitied offer, news, lust]
  • Defualt of joy vs. suffering.
  • How conflict creates the lower desires then judgement and then cycle.

Ego -...

Accept and love people with their imperfection. Doesn’t mean indulge them.
Old friendship maintains them, they are deep bonds.

Vipassana community is a beautiful community and I can serve in be part of it. There is hardly any place where people are going to be that good and I find it the most meaningful thing in my life.

Then there are these serving communities like the Ashadeep people are great there.

Avoid more egotistical places, people are just trying to prove themself.

You don’t have to do too much here though. Rather work on yourself.

First of all it is not going to be practical to implement it even if I want for next 6-12months.

Then The 6 months vipassana is not practical with it. Again there is this sense of impermanent setup. Germany will have language issues. London will not. The visa challenge. Community engagement and meaningful service is also going to be challenging.

You can earn money fast, living condition maybe high, big place to live, easy transportation, less hastle in services. Opportunities are better. The quality of people and projects is high. Life can be more comfortable materially, and you can grow faster there.

In Bangalore, life is fairly comfortable, I can do my meditation practices, and cultivate myself, setup a good living nest. create a good community life.

So one, it is not accessible situationally, and skillfully, at the moment, Second, I would not take it even if it was accessible...

At this point I am fairly clear that I want to do my 3 months meditation retreat. Working on the process. Serving and dissolving ego. Living with Lin, Engage in communities. Continue growing my career as a programmer and eventually start something of my own. Having healthy food and routine. Helping parents if they need. And solving my problem.

Searching more is not really what I am looking for. Going out of India for work is not really practical and wholesome. If I can not do 6 months meditation then how is it practical.

I can get paid same here, and I can work with smart people from here as well. And even though it is not important, I can still travel to different countries. And I do need to take care of these things like buying house and car and setting up a place where I belong.

Meta Career -
Answering more fundamental questions, and building strategies. What are my strength? What is natural and effortless to me? How can I change my strategy to be. more effective? Explore 100% engagement and letting go.

Career -
Currently, I am going to look for the work for next 6 months, technical work. EE, then I can do Toptal, U.K. team lead, director. I also need to see how can I market myself in long term.

Solving Problems -
What Problem I can solve? What are people’s needs? Product developer course? Can I run an agency? Building course? What problem other people solving?

Learning -
This is already a habit and will continue. Product manager. C++. Intro to machine learning. Self-driving car.

**Finance -
Atleast, I want to live a comfortable life, A decent house, car, and enjoy coffee in Starbucks. Not someone scraping by.

Then I wanna see if I can play the sport of...

Living a married life or my own place is more suitable for me in terms of spiritual growth as well as living worldly life. Isolation or living in communities like Vipassana is not wholesome for me.

Once my selfishness thins out Lin is a beautiful partner, she is a good person, and struggling, I can not let her go through life knowing that I made her life harder.

Her desires are wholesome. She wants someone who loves her, desires her, gives her stability, and be there when she is sick. She is fairly independent, has a good heart, and qualities of a good human being.

She opens her heart and home for me and I just took and took. I didn’t give her comfort or stability, One night she came to my room. Crying and looking for some comfort I was busy playing with myself. I told her that her health issues bother me.

There is a lot of meaningful commanalities between us, Healthy food. simple...

There were 2 kinds of thought process, one originated in self seeking, the other in compassion.

Selfishness makes things hard. The choices of where will I get the most pleasure. and struggle of choosing it. The long term effect is you become isolated like prachi, compete like the old yoga guy.

Compassion on the other hand is beautiful, I had some flashes of it, where I was crying. It is meaningful and soften the heart.

When in the state of compassion the selfish gain seems so patty, even shameful, like eating burger alone while Pratap is there. or building a big house.

In my ignorance I took the bait of selfishness, because it taste good to be ahead of others. And why share when you can eat the whole garbage by yourself. And now like a fish who I am helplessly struggling.

The selfishness has to be let go and compassion has to be cultivated.

Do daily Metta practice where you see...

What ever information comes into my field of attention sometimes create the emotional reaction and that creates the desires and conflict and it becomes an ongoing process.

Everyone tries to condition it, trining to elicit a stronger reaction by bombarding info, limited offer, fearful headlines, using lust. and it influence the process and creates the desire and I follow them, getting nothing.

Futhermore seeing what others are doing again creates more of emotional reaction and process starts to create more of such desire to have the babies.

When there is conflict in the information, or something require thinking and effort that unease creates the easy way out eating, sex, sleeping, and if acted on it, it leads to judgement and then even more easy desire like watching movies and then desire for more information and this is a vicious loop.

The process work on default, the default is...

There is no conflict here, I am passionate about it. It makes sense intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually. Also I can’t imagine not doing it. If somehow I couldn’t then It will be problematic for me.

It takes out the garbage from inside, lust, fear, hatred. and all the defilment. and what is left I had a small taste of it, compassion. I saw the selfishness in me, next time it will be out. And with it changes the thought process. The problem surfaces on the mind and get resolved.

It shows me the truth, more foundational like attachment creates the web of desires and the mind struggle. Direct. This access to the finer reality, makes life simple, easy, and peaceful. The alternative is very challenging and useless. Just try to fulfil the desires that doesn’t take me anywhere meaningful. I don’t have access to the I right now and it will be later. It takes the struggle out of the...

This is the golden opportunity to work internally, And this is what I am doing right now.

So I am directly and patiently working with the mind and exploring the self. And as I left the external stimulus that there pull starts to weaken, as I am going forward there is unease and solution arises as well and I move forward. I wanna continue this process. Until some breakthrough happens.