I find joy in meditation. Solving problem. Serving, Reading, Creating videos, Serving, Learning to master the mind, Flow, Yoga, Having a good conversation. Travel. Programming, Learning. Offering.

• First find Joy in meditation. That is the Joy of bliss.
• The happiness of solving problems
• The happiness of gratitude and positive thinking.
• The happiness of growing
• The happiness bringing value
• The Joy of learning, ML, ….
• The joy of flow of work….
• The joy of serving…
• The joy creating videos.
• The Joy of cooking.
• The clean house.
• The joy of taking great courses.
• The joy of community
• The joy of a good converstaion.
  
• Joy of positive thinking.

First, make a commitment. Man, If I decide, I am not looking in that direction, I ain’t looking in that direction.

For Next 2 weeks. No garbage.

That means no clicking here and there. No youtube other than in the evening after the end of the day, upload video and canva.

Yesterday evening, she was telling me why she is sorry, so that she should have comforted me, and all… She was all in. And we were having good couple like going.

Then we had a fight. She mentioned the visa restriction and then after 6 months I will go for the Vipassana and then she will take the flat. She was not sure of anything, she was just telling me about all this.

I got angry about her dual response, where she has both yes and no. And then she was worried about minor things. I know this because I had all these thoughts.

Then I said make your decision first, use wisdom, and I know her decision. I didn’t like this both way consideration, I will buy house here in case that etc… And this minor issue solving. I am Jassica etc.

And she reply that you said It is ok for me both ways, And tomorrow you can come back from vipassana and than say something else.

Then I just exploded with...

There are certain patterns of mind, lower impulses. Follwoing are the ones that I am facing. These are not strong but If I am not commited than they take precedent.

The clicking, just like the person, on the bus, so addicted. It leads to headaches. Just clicking is a habit and it is destructive. There is not even pleasure. Only if I am feeling unhappy then it holds the potential for hit. Now what I am looking for hits like acceptance and whatApp. If I get hit the reinforcement happens. I don’t want this anymore. Because of the old habit.I might feel urge, but I don’t want to take the drugs. And I am interested in blackholes. I don’t find happiness here. There is an only a disaster here.

The second is looking at the women, It is kind of the place it takes you the old man offering water to that girl, The shopkeeper harashing the girl. Yes it feels pleasurable to see a young body, so...

The actions are inferior and ran by the mind. It drains energy, leads to the actions that are not in the best interest of myself. And it is also a path which keep getting me deeper and deeper into hell.

Yesterday I scold on Lin. And it will make the relationship harder. This is the 3rd Chai today. My potty is hard, I am at the half of the productivity level, I am looking at women, and chances are I might even got the virus, becuase I am careless. And this is just starting, later. Amont all the path, this is the one I don’t want to travel. Period.

This is the process. And I am following it. And it is taking me lower. The deeper I am the harder, it is to come out. And failure is guaranteed.

How can I change this. This trajectory.

The commitment has to be there. First.

Now if you have moved in this direction, You will have to reverse the process.

Create a clear picture, Proritize...

Value- Making each others life richer. And having personal life fulfilling. Buidlign wholesome shared life.

Respect - There has to be respect for each other. scolding and screaming solve nothing. Just take a break when situation is like that.

She was unsure about everything and try to solve all the scenarios and not really solve any scenario. Buy a house here and in Bangalore, Stay here for six months. I will go to Vipassana etc. I know this state very well. I have been there for years.

In this case, the best approach is to be a listener and see what are the different things she is trying to balance. And communicate it is better to choose one and let go of other. You have to see what is good for her in that.

I am doing you favor etc. while the good way would have been ask her what she wants, and give her your suggestions.

I am doing you a favour and it is hard for me, and my family etc. Lets just cancel it. was just not a good reactive response to I can not come to the place because of my condition. I should have understood her problem and help her to make better choice. Also when you are in that state of click bait avoid...

How can I create value? How are people creating value? What is creating value?

The more ego you loose, easier it is to see other people needs and desires and satisfy them. This is the art of understanding other people needs and desires. If you can satisfy the need of the group that is a viable business.

These desires are becoming based on what people are showing in the media.

I could have solved the problem of recruitment for Konark. Or build a platform for testing. I could have taken the responsiblity of front end from alex.

Telling what people should do or disrespecting them is just opposite of bringing value.

One very good way is to launch Indian version of Amarican apps.

I can create Bhagavad Gita. Coach.

I don’t want to be my mom, and her need to live for other peoples’ approval. I don’t want to be the guy on the bus, endlessly scrolling and hoping to get hit. I don’t want to be the old man being shocked. I don’t want to be the person who wants to have sex with a little girl in the store. This is the path of the mind. I don’t want to be maneesh fat and unhealthy. This is the default. This is where It takes you. I don’t want to be kewat living for the hobbies.

I wanna help that little kid begging on the road. I wanna help those old couple begging for the food. I wanna create something which let them make their life easy and they can also live with dignity.

I wanna see what is my potential, how big of the problem I can solve. How much I can contribute. I wanna see how hard and how smart a human can actually work. How much I carry on my back?

I wanna see how far I can walk on the path of...

I know what I don’t want to become. and that is what I am becoming. I can stop this.

What is more important I need to know what I want to become. What I want to do with my life?

What kind of person I want to become? What quality I want to grow within me. Everything is possible.