People are suffering because of ignorance. Deeply. We all have accumulated all kind of knowledge. Party. Following passion. Going
for vacations. Honeymoon in Paris. Intoxicating. Helping other. Earning a lot of money. Being good in something. Completely focused in one thing. And those crossfit people are killing themself. There is a underlying map that we picked up from watching movies. Seeing others. That is the map of clarity we have. People chase them and than they don’t like but then they pretend. And feel depressed. And the one who could not chase it become paralysed.

What if I can build a different kind of learning system, where we have a clear map. Very clear and real map. Of all the really important things. Things like relationships and communications, work, self understanding, health, haitstyle. And what creates chaos in our life. What if I can structure it and make accessible...

The lonely evenings - there were evenings when I felt lonely and alone, bangalore evenings, vidhyasram, treks, Rakkars house. Not all the time though. Working in Dubai. Vipassana retreat. There are times I feel kind of done with the day. And then there is a sense that I can not work anymore and the first idea that pops is it would be nice to have some conversation. then there were nights in Mumbai where I was with people all the time And I wanted to be alone. When I was in Jagga i didn’t want to communicate all the time. When I am staying with Akhil. Sohail it is becomes kind of irritating. And then there are times like Sweden girl. I enjoyed.

The meaninglessness - sometime whatever I am doing seems like meanginesless and driveless when I am in isolation. Like dharmakot and bangalore. Dry.

When I am down - when I am in the thunder of emotional down time, the first thing that comes to...

relatiobship and communication -

• mediations on my social needs and pain points.
• my current social skills and how to improve it.
• selfless and controlling and how it affect my needs and pain points.
• a social infrastructure. Romantic | family | companions | strangers.
• the romantic relationship. What is ideal and what data I need.
• a clear game plan.
• 1 month challange.

contribution | finance

• start creating the product based on your understanding.
• refine it with modular understanding of marketing.
• add further module of understanding based on the next task.

*spirituality -

• move to Satvik thinking rather then knowledge.
• four agreements + voice of knowledge + autobiography of bajamine frankilne.
• clarity mediation 2 times a day.

health -

• Yoga -

  • inversion.
  • complete all the module.
  • complete end to end practice.
  • Cooking

• poha

• pulav.

• daal rice.

Spirituality -

• install fortifying routine.
• the voice of knowledge and four agreement.
• selfish need.

Relationship and communication -

• Learnt from Tushita + trek and dine streams.
• post on mastery of love.
• being an ass.
• what if.
• relationship between controlling and independent people.
• letting out on the paper what is inside.

contribution -

• developing market strategy
• collecting info.

health -

• yoga.
  • sequence on backbends.
  • hip opener
  • twist.
  • arms.
• cooking
  • poha.
  • paratha.
    
• a full body massage.

I left my job. And mom start to react and shout, accusing me for I am not operating the way she wants me to be. Another one was expactation when she is telling me why don’t you take care of me. Another one is when she is using force and seduction to convence me to get married. Sometime in childhood the superior force from her authority to bend me according to her wish for not going to take the result if I didn’t took the bath. Getting angery why I didn’t come home.

There are times when she is very generous. Respecting me so much I can’t take. There are times I can take CD player and she won’t mind. She always cook food for us, wash all our clothes, even stinky underwear too. if I get emotional start compromising and taking the place of service. When she assumed I am working, she becomes extremely serving.

Ofcourse it is the mood of the moment that dictates. When she is afraid, she try...

So I recently learn to cook, sabji, paratha, khichadi, poha. And a basic understanding of how everything stitch together. Now the question is what exactly from here.

Primary goals are -

• The fundamental quest is to eat, healthy and Satvik food. For that having understanding of what I am eating.
• Having a good time together with partner or friends while we cook together.
• being able to feed myself when I am at someone else’s house.

The leverage I have is the kitchen which I might not have after some time.

Master some key dishes. From all the sections. Do not try and learn everything.

1. Poha -

   • Satvik.
   • Good to make with friends as a snack.
   • easy to make and love it.
   • easy to feed myself at someone else house.

2. Pulav

   • Satvik.
   • Good to make with friends.
   • easy to make and love it.
   • easy to feed myself at someone else house.

3. Uttapa.

   • Satvik.
   • Good to make with friends.
   • easy to...

If really love is coming from inside. What if the foundation of soical life is the genuine service of others.

What if I genuinely start to help people where I can actually do. Start loving people who can not give me back anything. Selflessly. Not at the price of self sacrifice. Not because that will lead me to good relationship. Would that very act will fill emotional need ?

What is this emotional need ? And how that can be filled ? Is it really the problem ? Or my own selfish desires ? Or my own substance less chase ? Am I really understanding, what signal life is giving me ?

Is this pursuit that I think can be filled with companion and romantic relationships is really the need that can be filled with selfless love to the one who seriously needs it.

Is life asking me to serve and share and I am clinging to my own selfish desires.

Can I renounce this forced idea of romantic...

A relationship is two dreamers dreaming a small dream together. To build a dream together you need to know your personal dream and direction of the mutual dream.

The challange is in our personal dream lives a parasite. Our beliefs are infected with lies. And to protect those lies we have built the whole denial system.

We have the need of lying because we have an image of perfection to protect to ourself and in front of others. The parasite is the judge, eager to vicitmize us against this template of rejection. So we wear a social mask and project an image in front of other people and one to ourself as well. Our denial system let us pretend everyone sees us the way we want them to see, We have another image for our partner to fit so we can protect this whole structure of lies.

The more self judgment people have the less self love they experience. If they don’t have any self - love...

Isn’t it very easy for some people put their demands and force their wishes so easily to others. Ofcourse this will create resentment in others and they will be left alone with time.

In this point of time I find very comfortable to make all kind of reasonable demands to others. Express myself clearly. At one level I am also very assertive.

Although I need more practice in confronting others and being a bit of an ass in a way. In a way rejecting others offer when they are controlling.

To completely flip the equation and become very comfortable in all social situations, I need to practice being controlling person as well. It is kind of essential.

What is being a controller type person is ?

Forcing your dream on other ! Threat of disapproval ! Making demands ! Confronting if something displeased ! Making them responsible for any kind of unpleasantry for you ! Asking them to justify...

Everything I am reading. Experiencing in someway teaching me to renounce the selfish needs. From some place deep inside me renouncing my selfish desires came into my spiritual priority.

In the relationship and communication, giving unconditional love, no expectation, taking every opportuinty to help someone, and most of the time it is so easy to do that. Is highest form of pleasure in social interaction.

Natural inclination of serving in the next vipassana session, giving your better pair of socks away.

There is a self-clinging beast inside me. rationalising, justifying, tempting me in the direction of selfish need even at the cost of others loss, let alone putting others needs.

There is a way I want to design my life, my social interaction, my finances. To fulfill the need of my body, mind and security.

It is a process and petience is the highest virtue.

How great life could be...