I read like it was my full time job, most of the time I spent on taking notes. which now seems like was not a great idea. now this week, I will replace that with the print out this week. what everybody is saying and boundaries. at the end of the week I start to feel a bit depressed and desperate. like I don’t have confidence on what I am doing. I was getting irritated with noises. my shipment got delayed, talked to akhil.

spiritual sanity - I did meditations for 24+20 min. and sometime I left 40 min. session. a constant thought of emergency is creeping in.

social - I am still reading and making sense of the components. what I need to do is, to take it to the field.

health - it is being sidetracked.

yesterday I was feeling the breeze of uncertainty, what exactly I am doing, where I am going. am I moving forward or making excuses. where I wanna go. look all the other people how happy they look ( ok that was a bit much ).

but really what am I doing ?
there are two problems and probably I am mixing them.

1. social and relationship - my underdeveloped social and relational skill is quite the area I am very interested in. and to be honest I am making a lot of progress here. from being clueless to having a clear direction. and moving along the way. things are making sense and patterns are emerging. it is the matter of time I will be excellent in this area. now it doesn’t mean I want a lot of social interaction and become a player. it is more of something that being unskilled and clueless is causing a lot of trouble. another thing that draws me is from very early age I am drawn to...

I read books this week like it was my full time job this week. I read, take notes and draw. interestingly I read to decent size books with the way I would like to read. read/summerize/draw. most of the time I spent in summarizing. a step which could be removed digitally. reading and drawing is usually fun. what everyBody is saying.

the point of reading books - the whole point of reading books, is to help you see clearly. understand better. sort of shades some light on things.

framework - one of the major benefit of reading book is. it gives a kind of framework to look at the problem. it also break down the problem in smaller chunks. You need to have the idea of problem you want to solve and it will give structure to whole idea and fairly good findings in that area.

new ideas- it also expand the data points, brings new ideas all together example NLP. which sort of brings new angle...

I started to follow ritualistic lifestyle, posponded vippasanna retreat. Pyschoanalyse some of my conversations, draw four agreement, influence, thinking fast and slow. was reading $100 startup and thinking fast and slow. having some interesting time in unboxed. I observe what people are saying, re-listen the conversation, very happy with 2/1 rule. there is a strong pull of understanding human pyschology. I went out for this group hang out for humau tomb. I had chat with Raveendra,

More often I am doing 5-6 Gatkas of 30-1 hour. mostly pulled by need, and intuation. it kinds of dry me down in the end. coming home late and than had to compromise with meditation. I need to find a new place as well.

spiritual sanity - I am meditating morning 24 mins and evening 20/40 but in last 2 days I couldn’t find the time to do 40 mins one. I am also feeling a bit more egoistic watch it carefully.

...

so for the whole week I was excited, learning, analyzing, working and moving. today I am feeling a bit lost, and weird kind of unease. why ? it happens when I am doing something beyond it needs, when I am latching on something too much when I should not be. it is the way something inside me tells me to steer in other direction.

pushing too hard - pushing too hard, is a sort of greed and I do need to know when to stop. it affects later. if you have decided to work 4-5 hour each day than just work that much. don’t try to squeeze another 30 min at the cost of later ruining your meditation and sleep. which impacts tomorrow progress. you are not going to reach very far in that 30 min. when time is over close your computer and move. participate and enjoy other aspect of life.

I am having these conversation with people. some time I even record to see more closely. so lets say you have 30 minute of snippet of a group discussion with new peoples. how do you understand it.

first thing is the time frame - a session has to be time bound ideally 1:30.

process - write down 1 part until subject changes. and throughly analyze that part with transactional analysis. maybe followed by some more lenses of different book. but it is good idea to process this thing in chunk. notice the transition.

you need to give the hypothesis on what happened and how could this have been improved.

tomorrow I have vippasanna retreat in pipeline. and I am having double thoughts about it. it is the time to take insane actions on social front. and I am in a very decent state of mind. daily meditations are good. kind of happy.
this 4 gatka routine is engaging. I somewhat know what I am doing and moving forward. I am excited about reading more books and I am excited about observing and analyzing, so what’s wrong in postponing it. afterall 12 days is not a small time. and the process through which you will go through is not the easy pleasant one.

I decided to do this thing a month back. and the idea was I am going to do 1 of these retreat after each month. and the biggest advantage of it, is the insights and mental health. for example in tushita you could see the ego. this is the big deal. and it is foundational change.

the benefit of retreat is out of question. it is essential. the...

I hang out with akhil in dharmashala and than moved out from there and had some conversation with him. finally while wrapping up thought of ritualistic anchor became prominent. and with that project house January. really I started from 1st jan and am very content with dynamically ritualistic days and action pipeline. I read conversation tactics, 100$ startup, thinking fast and slow this week.

spiritual sanity - the regular meditations are calm and productive. I did 24 min. in morning and in night 1 hour (20/40) and it is all good. I am also having a lot of social contacts. on the other hand If i push to say I am not really feeling compassion for people but I do feel quite indifference.

social reality - I started to record some of my conversations. had talk with akhil, akshaya, I started to work appearance. a good habit of 2/1 start to happen. I still need to work on a process where I...

Living with the anchor of ritual seems like a great idea. but I need a place and a hook to make it perfect.

the acting class - the idea is I would be able to desensitize the people anxiety. and might find the group of people around me for hangout. the acting is mere utility for desensitization. the other angel is I can observe and cultivate my people skill muscle. it seems like a great place to begin. the option I am considering is anupam kher thingy in mumbai.

the yoga class - the other idea I have is this full time yoga/ or part time yoga. eventually I will be doing full time yoga thingy so it is out of question.

hop around in hostels - this will allow you to explore many places. you can test and build your social muscle here. and it doesn’t have a solid limitation like a month you have to be there. on the flip side there is no strong routine like force. or external agency to force...

it is quiet clear that the center point of the month is going to be ritual. and currently the idea I have in mind is working 4 gatka 5 hours everyday. mixing things creatively or whatever, but you do sit down and work 4 hour period.

but what work you can do. and how does states affect you. and what is the direction in which you wanna travel. what are the element that can generate suggestion for these gatkas.

action pipeline - in order to make it work, there has to be an action pipeline. and the sources of it. so you can also populate it consistently.

the sources of pipeline -

task - there is some time there is very clear action that you know you have to take. take them.

books - you can just read books, and also books kind of helps to generate ideas and directions. the another thing could be to sketch out the book.

psychoanalysis - if you have interaction from the world. you can...