one of the key realisation from tushita was to be able to see the ways of ego. I was sitting in the middle hearing question around coming from the ego, the very substance was to show how smart I am. and I felt it over and over, this need. and may be I transcend that state for a little while and was able to see it in action. and it was disgusting. amazingly in a short while I was back in the same realm. and now I am feeling this disgust with the sense of ego. it’s just the state. If you are into it, you have no choice.

this field of ego is the reality of the world. how interseting it is that this ego wants to solve the problems of the world. not really to solve but show how kind it is to other people. how much it cares. this ego wants to show, this is all it cares to look powerful. to feel grand.

all the games and duplicity exist in this field. this is how it keeps itself bussy. the...

what use of a strategy or best knowledge in the world, if you are not present at the moment. this is what happens more often than not in social conversation from me. a habit that needs to be changed.

if I take consideration of today’s conversation about vipassana. I wasn’t listening properly what other person was saying forget the subcontext. and my reply were just coming out my own need to demonstrate and prove my importance sort of way.

a good practice intially can be to replay the conversation you are having and diced and ticed what just happened. what did you do and what other person did and how it could be optimized.

at this time a serious thought of starting a you tube channel is spinning in my mind. it just make sense. here is way where I can express myslelf fully. I can read books, meditate upon them ( something I like to do ) and at the same time bring value to other peoples life ( by bringing valuable insight ). a honest living and a way to sustain myself doing soemthing I love. a way of attracting a social circle I crave, and cultivating myself the way which is incredibaly beneficial for me at this stage of my life. this could be clearly one of those things where my heart and mind is in the same direction. and the very nature of core skill I posses. the reasons are endless.

this is an experiment I must try.

there is 2 ways I can bring this into life. and it’s clear one comes after another.

metainsight - this could very well be a book review thing. where for example you explain the core...

foundation of manas

1. people don’t critisize themself for anything no matter how wrong they have done. and as much as we thirst for approval, we dread condemnation. what else could be more foolish to bluntley criticizing and condemening a person. understand this is the desperate move of agitated mind to criticize someone. your own ego need to feel important.

2. fundamental need of a manas is to feel important, figure out how a person get their feeling of importance and you have seen that persons charcter. this is the best hook for enabling the desire in people. this is the best way to enable self esteem. flattery No, No, No. not telling people what they think of themself but a sincere appriciation is what you need here.

3. seeing things from the other peoples point of view. and as well as yours is foundational presence of mind required and knowing what the other people want is the way to...

there is only 15 days left in nov. and out of those 10 days I will be spending in tushita. so this month is sort of already full. although what I need right now is triming down the ego, solidfy the spiritual practice, just sitting in the cushion is not very beneficial. understand other practices and see If I can fuel some new life into this.

health has taken too much blow. I need to have some routine of knowing what to eat. and what exercise I can perform.

on the social front speically for realtionship I need to have an end to end simulation in place, some test and element of conversation kind of thing in place.

so I have 15 days in nov. in very peaceful place and retretat env. I will also be getting more clarity and a good soical opprtunity. I thing what I should do here is to reflect back on my life more and maturely and concrete the idea of what I am going to do in december and...

at a given time, for example now. there is only one or two things I can do. and knowing and creating a clear goal is what I desperately need. I am in strange confusing state. and it is just sucking time. even having domains is not enough. there has to be a very clear goal and deadline. or it will strech forever.

this is exactly what I need, something like project house. think hard and decide what you need to do this month and than stop thinking about other stuff. and do it. next month we will do other stuff. there is break commond. and that is when you have enough information to decide what you were doing is something which you have no more interest in achiving, work with whatever spiritual sanity you have. this is very important. explore yourself in all the front, knowledge alone is uselss without experience.

diwali week at home. I was sort of hibernating, a good family time, some reading, and a lot of sleeping pretty much explain the week. there is something in the air of morena, I can not seems to be able to work, or do any productive thing here. I was reading kriya yoga seceret revealed, raja yoga and kriya yoga, and daily rituals.

spiritual sanity - this was a poor week in that sense but I was not loosing my temper. even though I was not doing nothing the whole day, yet I was able to squeeze one 20 minute gatka. there was very less self control. actucally I wasn’t able to see any meaning in self control.

health - no exercise and pretty much no control over food. although I was more conscious about the quantity of food.

social - I wasn’t reading or stimulating anything social. I wasn’t engaged in anything unncessery. when I was talking to people like ramlakahn, syamu and all. I didn’t...

I used to preech it and now I am in the middle of it. I don’t have anything to pull my attention centrally like a job, school, or a venture. I used to say I want to face default where I am not running behind anything. or hopelessly clinging to anything not even the hedonic excitement, and well you get it.

the problem here is you will feel the default with full intensity. and energies without any proper direction is sort of amplifing the distrubance in me.

but there has to be a goal and ritual or this will lead you to madness.

the goal is simple, cultivate your own mind, body, soul and skill. but this is not a goal. it is more of a path. goal has to be more concrete than this.

what about seeing things as they are. again it is more of byproduct of the maturity of soul.

what makes sense is to run life on monthly basis. where you create a stage that needs to cross this month. than...

I started this week with a bit of sickness, went to doctors. and recovered around wednesday. I got my book kriya yoga seceret revealed. and start reading it. I am still unsure like hell what I am doing. I read 33 startgies of war. spent couple of days at unboxed. and than come to home in morena. some time I also read snowball and searching around raja yoga. meeting some people at unboxed was interesting.

spiritual sanity - I was defientely below the level of spiritual sanity. also sickness, goa’s shadow is contributing into it. meditation is getting low.

health - I am somewhat aware of the way I am eating food, but not really doing it. eating amount and content is out of my control. no exercise. hoping when i will be eating I will make sure would do it right is stupid idea.

social - I have read enough. I was more aware in conversation what is happening, I also tried to come up with...

I spent some time in pune after goa trip. struggling to know what to do. making a mental map of domains. I spent some time at starbucks there. than I moved to delhi. read more of 33 stratigies of war. than spent time at ccd. still trying to figure out how to approach life. checked out unboxed, seems like a nice place. than fall into sickness. viral. and pretty much down from last 2-3 days.

spiritual sanity - not really able to maintain it. that goa trip seems to affect my mental balance a lot. also I am really sure what kind of meditation I should be doing. from last 2 sick days I haven’t done any.

soical reality - I am hovering over it. trying to peneterate a mechanism or path to start with. I am angery and frustated more often.

health - sick, no exercise, though drinking right amount of water and occasionaly chewing right. kind of food and amount is out of control.

I need to...