I was reading the bhagwat gita and based on my understanding I built a model of reality where awareness is god. I started reading culadas and is using awareness and conciousness in a different way than what my understanding is. All the sudden I felt strong discomfort, I don’t want to read it further.

Building the model based on something and when that model breaks down it creates unease. a fear based sensation, it is quiet easy to get into the self judgement cycle from there.

What is appropriate action for it?
Both of them are basically sharing their understanding of the nature of reality. The mear reading is not useful but confusing, if you read less you will endup building a model that will not represent the truth, if you read more it will be confusing but will give you better picture of reality. The ultimate end point is the reality.

The way to resolve this challenge is.

• Fully...

What should I do with my life? what direction I need to take? what goals I should strive for? How to take this call in a way that the foundation does not change, and thoughts like I am not wasting my life? not living upto my potential.

Out of past conditioning there are many unwholesome motives I have inside like trying for others acceptance, how to free myself from that.

How to live in a way that produce maximum satisfaction.

Mind is producing these stream of suggestions if I follow them it leads to dissatisfaction If I didn’t than what to do.

How can I protect my mind to just believe anything?

Who am I? Who is getting hurt, annoyed, confused?

How do I validate or know the truth. How can I reach a point where there is no fear. How can I transcend the fear.

How can I clearly see the inner nature of reality. what do I know from my own experience.

For the next one month I will be primarily focusing on the spiritual aspect of the life, Examining, understanding and working on each aspect of this domain, slowly and experiencially. This is my primary focus and the whole circustances will be build around this.

There are some social aspect I need to work upon, In work I will be moving forward in terms of computer programming. In health yoga session and eat.fit.

I became more aware of the layer of the beliefs, and I see the nature of going to the extreme and judging myself based on it.

I also observed living without the rules and how it creates the very agitated and poor circumstances.

There has to be a way to verify the truth and build sila and principles around them.

As I was doing Vipassana, the constant movement of thoughts was clear, how relative thoughts originate from one and another. I was also getting distant and clear. It was also getting clear how mind is a problem solving machine, how it tries to find out different ways to handle the upcoming events.

It is also clear how confusion feels, and different ways I says different things about itself.

It is also clear I am not this I, but I just get close to it sometimes, the detachedness of the awareness.

It is also clear how subtle desires agitates the mind to reframe the past and plan the future.

It is also clear that intellectual understanding is different than watching things.

The more I am aware in the realm of the awareness, the easier it is to build the dream, there are two dinstinct quality of awarness, focused attention and general awarness. the me and the dream can not touch it. there maybe the will which is the part of awarness.

The dream is where the problem is now, the clarity, confusion and all that is the part of the dream, the minds urges, having clear set of rules and understanding is essential here.

With body I can also make some clear rules and learn on the way.

The relationship and the work questions needs to be answered.

The ultimate thing is to explore the consciousness, the nature of it. and from there what are the obstacles? Meditations, Vipassana, Raman, Astavakra. Experiencer. Gandhi, Surrender etc.

What to do? How to act? What are the principles? Let’s call it a dream. then you need to work on the dream. and the relationship between the dream and the awareness. What is this that I call I.

Body, What body offers and what body needs, its potential and all.

Then comes the field of relationships, how do I engage with other people? what are the key elements, practicing, romantic relationship, friendship, service.

Then comes the work. survival, competition, power, service, impact. finance.

There are clearly two me, One is just pure awareness and it has the nature of its own kind then there is this me on the level of thought, here is the whole drama of beliefs, lies acting out of belief and all.

What is the reality of the outside world? What I must do? What is it’s relationship with me?

What about Lin or romantic relationship? Should I engage or not? What about sex? Responsibilities? and the whole nine yards it offers? Friendships? Family?

What about work? Finance? Business? Programming? Competition? Survival? Impact?

Then for the body, Yoga? Food? How to master the body?

What should my actions are based upon? What kind of path I should take?

The place I am in is unclear, there are different elements inside me that I am trying to understand to make wiser choices in the future.

At one level I am clearly trying to understand the truth about my internal life and relationship with outside world,

There should be the way to act that those actions should not become the cause of dissatisfaction. There should be a way to act which takes me to the worthy direction, a reason to live, a goal worth achieving, to do something worth doing. I need to know what should I do and why should I do it. that why must be aligned with the truth.

Inaction is not the way and action which pleases you are not the way, there is a strong tendency to do the futile and fruitless actions. If I don’t have a direction or clear goal, then just tackling the mind is challenging.

What should I do and why?