Based on the past experience. Thoughts are going to come and go. But than there is aware thinking. Depending on intensity of automatic thoughts this can be very powerful.

Normally a thought is a voice, image + vector of energy. Behind that thought is some kind of understanding or knowledge.

Thoughts with awareness are superior in terms of all four area. It can change the underlying knowledge, voice, image, and effect the vector of energy. It can also let these be played out.

There could also be play with these images, sound and emotions and changing the underlying emotion on the spot.

When the emotion is intense, the frequency of thought is high. And then it get triggered over and over again.

Without emotions thoughts are weak.

Emotion is this vector of energy movement. Whatever triggered that emotions thoughts will automatically be condensed around that area.

What triggers emotion!!

If someone disrespect me it triggers the emotion, emotion of anger. The more intense the emotion is more it is going to renumirate.

The pegion and snake triggered the emotions and it will affect my behaviour in future.

There is emotion being triggered by preference. I preferred to be treated fairly. I treat people fairly. This is whatever I understood as true. The emotions are being triggered based on that as well.

These emotions are signal but I am avoiding and grabbing the object itself.

All kind of emotions are being triggered in the silence and they are creating all kind of...

So when I wake up today I was not very inspired, there was an understanding back in my head I wanna go late. There is another understanding that I have enough money. These understanding is affecting the thoughts. I have an understanding that I will have to work on marraige.

There is another understanding that I have to be on the top so there is thought related to that are popping out.

Yesterday I saw video from sandeep and Mickey. There was thought related to watch it, and then how Sandeep is wrong.

When I am failing or there is discomfort of confusion. thought tends to get self doubting. These thought might as well be of proud.

If I am trying to override thoughts it gets more abusive.If I try to suppress it it becomes more intense. It is non stop.

When I am in the relationship with Lin. We play a lot and I kiss and hug her, she come and sneak into my chest and cuddle for hours. This play is there.

Then sometime we go outside for lunch, dinner and picnic. Sometime i want to go myself but she tag along. Sometime we have good times while we are walking and talking and making fun of each other, sometime we just walk silently.

Sometimes in the morning she cooks food for me. Sometime I bring her flowers. Sometime she expect me to understand what is in her mind and than become offended. Sometime I expect her to arouse me and she works instead and I feel offended. Once I crossed the boundaries that she got irritated and we had fight, a very short one.

Sometime she tell me her secrets and then tell me I am her confidant. And that I am godsend etc.

There is a dream of me, there is a dream of her, and then there is a dream of together...

Until you have these conditioning if you see some girl, you are going to feel attracted. Period. It is getting weaker and weaker now. It has nothing to do with the relationship though.

If you are living alone and there is a discomfort that you imagine will be resolved after relationship. It will not, because the discomfort is the pattern of byproduct of thoughts,

Freedom, a relationship provide some degree of security and some degree of compromise of freedom. There is shock absorption and then there are some obligations.

Attraction, when you see a girl, especially pravocative. Maybe if you see someone with collar. It envoke an emotion in the mind. The attraction. And I know this is because of the garbage in my head. This is very superficial and just an illusion. Lin wore sexy dress on the first date. This is useless.

Need, I can’t live by myself. It is uncomfortable and this thought oh that was such a good time, the tease in the heart make that thought more lucrative. In this unbalanced state attraction becomes even more sharp.

In the relationship, I spent a lot of time playing with her, there is another element of sensuality, a lot of time there is a give and take of normal conversation. Sometime there is not. Sometime she helps me, some time I help her. It has it’s pros and negative. But it can never be substitution of self reliance. There are some degree of sacrifices, there is some degree of...

At the moment I am not with someone from last one month. To be honest I am not satisfied, and I am not going to get out of this by getting into the relationship. This is an internal Job. I do feel attraction towards girl but I don’t see it as remedy.

Weather I want to be in a relationship or not is being decided by a thought whatever is being activated at the moment. I should follow the celibacy and one decision get activated. If I listen a love song another one will get activated.

If I continue working with my mind and myself, most likely, I will reach a place where I don’t care, care is the right word. Relationship or anything. I just don’t care.

The second thing is I do need to engage in the world. I do need to act. When it comes to the worldly life there are two primary things, work and relationship. In all the relationship this is the most important one.

Work and the...

In the past it was different, it was the cause of strong unease. And the lack of skills was another stream. At one level I was desperately looking for someone anyone to experience intimacy with and closeness.

The vantage point is different now. I feel attraction towards some people. But I don’t care about that attraction that much. I understand the cause of it is old programming.

I am also moving towards my mind to find the source of unhappiness not towards other people.

This puts me in a strange situation do I want to be in a relationship or not. What do I want from a relationship. Should I continue going foraward with Lin. Or should I let her go. Ofcourse she wants to know the next step.

This is kind of agreement. Someone says something and I agree. Don meguile said the judgement and I agree. This is dangerous. And on the level of belief.

The second is I understood something with experience. I know if I do this, that will happen. Ultimately you must build your belief based on your own experience. Based on truth.

Sometime I take a person like sandeep and use his words as the reality and build the belief based on that.

The another way to read massively about a subject and a understanding starts to form. Based on many view.

Ideally see it yourself, read and meditate.

The knowledge is the source.

If something I believe is being proven false. Than it creates that teasing kind of sensation. That uncomfatable sensation of heart. The confusion is conflict of two beliefs.

“I should follow my beliefs.”, “how long I will do that.” And that point I just want to leave everything.

“People believe science is what you are.”, “you are the consciousness.”
If things become unclear it blocks the decisiveness. And breads the doubt.

Acting against the belief creates the low sense of self. Low self esteem. This is still on the level of mind.

It is very easy to believe what other people are saying, but it is creating confusion inside the head.

It is when I feel unease I seek these kind of things. Other people’s belief etc.

You have to see what you read to make the right kind of beliefs and values.

Also you don’t need to understand things but realize them.

If you could make some set of...