There are few loops at the moments. In last week, there were sexual fantasy related urge. There was going to Europe, doing yoga retreat kind of urge. There was a lot explaining. Remembering moments with Lin kind of urge. Doing easy task. A kind of repulsive behaviour towards certain things like reading. Let’s eat and lets cook. Let’s just say it is a bit chaotic and running in multiple direction. It is going to continue doing what it is doing, hoping it to be silence is not very smart idea.

The first thing is you need to train your mind in a way that it is most conducive mind ever. Most helpful mind ever. It is going to think all the time, but I will consciously decide that. And train it that way.

Forget the emotions for while.

Last few days voice and sensation, the mind is running it’s own game. It is getting sexual, confused and heart sink. So many different high voltage thoughts. Let’s do this, let’s get married. Let’s leaver. Why parents. Let’s work overseas and what not. Lets watch some video. So it was all waste. Etc. infect it is not just voice but the relevant emotions as well and then all kind of belief conflict.

At one level I am not uncomfortable and I can see all this. It seems like a waste of time. If I do nothing and just sit will it pass away and mind will become completely quite. I don’t think so.

The best thing you can do is to train your mind to be cohesive and directional and train its basic nature so even when It is thinking. It is pleasent not like being pulled in all direction like at the moment. And you can count on that programming.

work -

• the next step and preparation.

social -

• what do I want in relationship.
• serving taking first step.
• practice the task from crucial conversation and accountablity.

spiriutality -

• the current basic nature of mind, what I want, how to condition it.
• bramhavidya.

health -

• systematic course on yoga.

spirituality :

• self realization and layer to cross
• uninspired.
• relase and realign.
• what is the cause
• it is now.
• Bhagwat Gita.
• LOGs. 2 hours.
• LOD
  • familiar trail.
  • mind games | judgement.
  • the unease and mental solutions
  • self suggestions
  • solitude.
  • the sexual turmoil.

social -

• praise | ridicule | respect | disrespect.
• crucial accountablity.
• next steps.

work -

• next step. Thinking about the next milestone.

health -

• cooking - chapati| sabji, pulav, poha.
• 5 yoga class
• Jal Neti.

In last 2 weeks I am living alone, going though ups and downs of the mind, with a clear understanding that it is just the mind and emotions. I am not trying to run away towards something. The ideas of the mind are the ideas of the mind.

Although I am not extremely productive. But in a way I am satisfied. The awareness is very high and there is a freshness.

There is no real hope of something better.

Mind is freaking out atleast mildly. There is aversing sensation of tightness on chest.

The thoughts are related to survival. And voice does not trust me. I let the voice down by listening to itself. I am not keeping my commitments. And keeping my words. Atleast I am not doing my best. My integrity is disturbed.

The things I am doing are not calibrated but easy. And taking on the assignment that will not produce result. I am acting hypocriticaly. It feels like being lost.

There are fussy priorities and lack of faith in the direction. And myself.

The way to get out of this is to mind needs to be peaceful or positive. And heart needs to be calm and excited.

How I do that?

STEP1: take a step back, let the mind scream, shout etc. don’t put more fuel. It is the effect. Go thought it. Strengthen yourself by being unmoved by the storm of mind and emotions. No more reading, watching and...

today at one point I started to use the self suggestion. It is an opportunity. It is easy, fun and exciting. And you know the mind does follow the trail. It started to see things as opportunity.

Now this is a good way to train the voice. And man you can train the voice. So for this week I am going to use one mantra everyday.

This is the biggest spritual opportunity. If you are feeling unbalanced. This is the moment and this is the time to resolve it. You can’t do something that Will produces result in future.

If something is making you uncomfortable this is the time to learn and grow. Do it with the bigginers mind. Every moment has to be inspired enthused and learning experience.

It is some combination of heart and mind and old samskara and an opportunity to relase and create the new one.

Some actions will lead to very faithfully lead to this road of losing motivation.

*rotuined up: * one clear path that leads to it when I do things for the sake of it, it breads the lack of quality. In the night when I am writing the learning of the day. even though i am not coming to conclusion, still I am just righting it, same with meditations.

piling it up: this is easy and useless activity trap I got myself into routinely. When I am not really contemplating and integrating information but just piling it up and it is becoming counterproductive. Reading another book on soical. Instead of practice or doing it.

wrong calibration: another clear sign that I have calibrated the goals wrongly. I should have worked on the work area thinking but I am reading another book.

slacking: waking up late and just slacking in general. You have to be tight. Not in the sense of overly tight but...

The challange you are facing is your heart or chest area is exerting certain emotions and sensation. Your mind making voice of doubt that it will not work, giving protective suggestion. How do you relase it.

This is on the level of mind and heart and you, you are beyond it and should be able to handle it. It is just the state which is constantly changing. if I start to work and finish my work, this will change into the other direction.

You should be able to switch the state into the positive emotions and mental dialouge.

The positive dialouge would have been I am getting closer to the state of true happiness, and I will use this moment and accelerate. I much more wiser and than I was before. My social expertise are going beyond he roof, there is atleast 5000time improvement. I am living with Lin. So many experiments are taking me closer and closer to my purpose and work. Now not only...