I am right - even before reading Akhil’s mail I rejected his point of view. Before even reading it I said no. Even before he showed me the logo I said no. I did the same with shantu, I already had a preconceived notion and than just dismiss them as some one not worthy of listening. I listen to Micheal singher. When I don’t trust other person I don;t even listen to their point of view. When I believe they are shallow or coming from the lower place or deeper ignorance.

A very close cousin to it is winning an argument. I am trying hard to win these arguments. And when I learn some new concept I quickly go back and explain it to someone in my head.

When ever there is conflict of beliefs I will try to protect myself by demolishing other. Proving there belief wrong.

wanting other to fail - when I check the YouTube there is desire that own brother should not have more sucbscriber, I am...

Toady as I was observing my mind I realised I am always in the present moment and living the current emotion or thought. It has to be current.

So what ever I am feeling it is the effect of that thought. I could be aware or sucked it is just that moment.

I can not live in the past or future. And than that experience is going away and than next moment next experience, next sensation and than it goes away.

And it keeps going on.

Asat ka bhotik sareer ka koi chir astitva nahi lakin sat aparivat hai.

The constantly changing voice is asat because it is not stable, sat is in the present moment always, even the old thought is just new in present moment. This is happening in this field of sat, knower.

There is a senes of I in between. Which is also going and coming.

When I saw the girl next to me holding the pose there is a sense of competition.

There is an urge for saymus child to fail or Bhai to fail in YouTube.

After seeing the messages from Akhil, even before reading voice says he is stupid.

I am explaining to everytone all the time, Akhil, shantu, J, Lin, mummy, papa, Bhai.

There is also an urge to check what other people are doing in facebook. Check their photos.

There is a sense of comparison. If other person is winning or I think they are doing better I feel worthless.

Sometime I see a person there is an abuse inside me, chutiuya.

There is a telling to other people to kind of impress with my wit, knowledge etc.

Voice is explaining to tony, no there is something behind of that voice, this is how you are wrong and this is what you should do. This is proving other person wrong.

When I saw the girl next to me holding the pose there is a sense of competition. After seeing the messages from Akhil, even before reading voice says he is stupid.

When I did good at that yoga workshop I was feeling very good.

I am explaining to everytone all the time, Akhil, shantu, J, Lin, mummy, papa, Bhai.

There is an urge for saymus child to fail or Bhai to fail in YouTube.

There is also an urge to check what other people are doing in facebook. Check their photos.

There is a sense of comparison. If other person is winning or I think they are doing better I feel worthless.

There is a telling of other people to kind of impress with my wit, knowledge etc.

Sometime I see a person there is an abuse inside me, chutiuya.

Voice is explaining to tony, no there is something behind of that voice, this is how you are wrong and this is what you should do. This is proving other person...

Spiriutality :

• Morning mediation just observe your internal world, just observe the voice and sensation and image.
• Every 2 hours, see what Bhagwat Gita is saying. No hurry.
• Log the patterns.

Social -

• Winning and explaining.
• Praise | acceptance and rejection.
• Crucial accountability

Work -

• Griding it out.

Health -

• Eat 2/4+ ¼.
• No caffeine
• Balance heat and cold and lethargy.
• Learn the rotation of consciousness
• Cooking

spirutality -

• astavakra [ writing ]
• sandeep morning meditation.
• Micheal singher.
• actionable know what matters and reacording.
• who am I
  • the architecture of life
  • principles of mind - fear and anxiety
  • self realization
  • who am I
  • sukha and dukh ka chanik uday
  • every 2 hr. Logging.
  • learning of the day
  • meaningless impulse
  • the impulsive explosion
  • the fixed rules of the mind
  • the thought is the cause
  • thinking vs doing
  • conflict of belief
  • understanding vs experience
  • knowledge vs experience.

social -

• never split the bill [ negotiaton ]
  • calibrated question
  • gauranteed excecution
  • bargain hard
  • black swan
  • draw
  • actionable KVM
  • sexual fantasies, - draw

work -

• actioable KVM.
• Sam Walton.

health -

• 5 yoga class
• Dental
• protein powder
• cooking
  • poha, Daliya, pulav, smoked aloo, aloo sandwich, veg sandwich, lotu seed snaks. Chapati and jeera aloo. Sleep
• chai to green tea
• next...

Since That conflict being observed, I am becoming more aware of the GAP between knowledge and true understanding.

When I read something without understanding it becomes the knowledge and enters into the fabric of reality. Now it must be proved right or I become confused. Accepting something without throughly understanding is dangerous and gives the illusion of understanding not real understanding.

Skimming a book really fast gives the idea on larger sense but really it is observing it in your mind where it becomes real knowledge.

Sandeep showed the way of doing it. When you see from the concentrated mind, you have to understand every word and its meaning. Otherwise it is very shallow.

This observation is slow and 100times more effective. It is seeing and it is solid.

Gita - sukh wa dukh a chanik uday wa atardyan hona sardi wa garmi ki rituno ke aane wa Jane jaisa Hai. Ye indriyabodh se utpann hote hain, manushya ko avichial bhav se sehna seekhna chaiye.

Form the morning I have felt scratching of mind, completion of project. Attachment and crashing, being manipulated by papa and mummy. There was varying degree of feeling but they came and went. Some moved me some I just sit trough they all were momentary and passed away.

Being forced by papa, or talking in front of other people was dukh, or that girl fan triggered the reaction of disrespect was dukha, and finishing the book triggered the sensation to happiness was sukh or watching the videos. There was particularly everything is useless kind of thoughts in the morning.

Another sukha and dukha is getting job in Dubai, and fathers accident. These things were not in my control.

The sense of...

I woke up in the morning kind of pushing through, than I made a nice sandwich feeling positive. Than as I started to work there was state of conflict, there was state of it is useless, there was state of engagement, there was state of I don’t care, there was silence there was showing off, there was state of ..

All these state came and go, at the very moment I am just wiriting, kind of balanced.

All the states have same component, the voice, sensation, a particular kind of a combination.

These states are extremely rapetative, you should start writing them down. Uncomfortable ones but also the good ones too.