so I am sort of enjoying these days. not depressed, not worried. and not really disciplined. I am waking up as late as I can 8:30. than I eat whatever, go to office, chit chat. have a cup of tea. than work a little may be listen some songs. while working. talk to people around me. have a lunch whatever is easy to get. work a while. than come back to home, take a bath watch some videos and have fun. meditate a little. may be read a book. sleep around 12-1. it represent last 3-4 days and I was also searching room to live so I think It is kind of acceptable. but I certainly need to observe it more closely

Q - I am feeling doubtful that wether I can actually do this whole social thing or not

First of all why it is important to do. Exactly what value it is bringing and what if I don’t do it all together.

I feel like it is very strong subconscious desire to socialize and having relationship
And accept it or deny it. It is fucking there. It is a blocker. It is something I want but because I am not good at. So I get into denial I had done some many compromises before and abundance of them are coming if I don’t learn it.

The confusing part is I have a very vague picture at best of what exactly I am after. And who will not feel discouraged if the image of result is vague and parameters of progress is missing. Even general fear is getting compounded in it. Is it one of those thing that comes into the way or is it one of those I want

And it is fine if I don’t know as long as I know I am...

Q I spent last few hours on you tube and Facebook I didn’t really feel like doing anything. Things that I am doing right now is infect repelling me what should I do

First thing is the duration of period and how did you end up here

I went to see the apartment for rent and when I come back I felt drained out it was too hot and all. I thought I will take a small nap and caught up into this. I was into that web for last 3-4 hours. And now I am sitting in moe going for pixel movie . I was also feeling down because of my experimental haircut

First thing I would say be aware when you are about to go into that trap. The second thing is don’t allow it to multiply. If there is a confusion do a Qa post. I can also change the location. But if it is just the low energy period. You know very well it will pass in a while. There is only few thing you can do
Best possible scenario meditate or sleep...

Q - I am not really sure of the criteria on which I want to get the room.
fundamentally there is 2 options go for studio or room. and the second criteria is money. there is another last parameter is some vague social freedom.

money is quite important parameter because sooner or later I will have to go footloose and money plays drastic role physiologically. when you are not earning. so just throwing it around doesn’t make sense.

get a room around 4000-5000AED/ it will give you everything you need. avoid any agency fee and minimalise any security deposit. will it hinder anything I doubt it.

social life, this is one the most important, under-looked and denial driven aspect of my life, it is quite evident that how poor knowledge and skill is affecting my life.

grooming - I don’t mean go and apply face foundation. but having puss on your face is not really something to proud of. I read grooming for men and built a basic grooming routine.

daily -

• drink 2 lt+ water.
• clean your face twice ( with organic facewash/scrub ). and use face moisturizer with sun cream.
• brush and scrap tongue twice ( I started to use electronic brush )
• daily bath than use deodorant and than use powder for underarm, pelvic and foot.
  • daily use fresh underwear and socks.
  • twice a week wash your hair and condition them.

weekly -

• clean pubic hair and underarm hair.
• clean face more deeply using facepack.
• cut down nails.

this could allow you to feel good and hygienic for yourself. I started...

this was a week where I start to gain some momentum. I finally could sense the next step. and start working towards it. I was in the rhythm. I felt if I could have more time. I read multiple books, start working on my analytical mind (3 days). started QA posts. and engaged with world. started a grooming routine. I started to wake up at 6. atleast I did it for 2-3 days.

spirituality - I did meditation around 20-20 mins and may be more in some occasions. I was interested in my self development but not just by meditation and looking inside. I become more interested to look towards the aspect of life I am not good at. like social and how much damaging it is. I also enjoyed my QA posts which

work - I started to enjoy work a lot more. since I started to talk to people around me !! I was asserting myself authentically. I also enjoyed working with backend development and start getting real...

there is many element here. having people to hang out with. dating, relationship. giving talks, asserting yourself. and all these are convoluting the approach. but I think if I look closely it’s a layered system where one needs to be built on top of another.

on the gross level there are two category, outwards appearance( haircut ) and inward understanding ( the element of charisma ). and than there is two playground. day to day challenges ( office ). and deliberate challenges ( dance class ).

outwards appearance -
all you need a basic grooming routine. good hairstyle, decent style and good nutritious food. educate yourself around it. and go for it.

inward understanding -
a good education is defiantly important here. but lets see what I already know and start doing today. first of all you need to be comfortable and clear with yourself on your wants and intentions. absolutely no...

as I start to explore this front of my life, and allow myself to imagine a successful social life. I can clearly see how much better life can become. and how much denial and suppression is going on inside me. and seriously how much I have been robbed because of my poor social skills. the more I read the more it becomes apparent.

so how exactly I can approach it ! how can I balance my effort with theory and practice. there is a confusion in my mind of what exactly is the shape of attempt. and when I am confused I tend to fallback to the safe point. is reading books is collecting data or I am hiding behind it. where is the threshold. what is the framework. what is the framework, how does stages look like.

and what if you don’t know what is the framework ! create one. the autopilot is a problem. a progress trap. you need to know it and own it. or be clear that what strategy I am...

Q- how to handle hard people
there are certain kind of people. which commonly have very poor internal, external and skill level life. and than they have no agenda to be better and infect they are very proud of themselves. some of them even have a good heart. and I struggled to deal with them. I don’t want to be rude to anyone. but I clearly don’t belong in their presence. and more often than not I witness second class behavior from them which is unacceptable.

you just don’t have to be hanging out with them. see the thing is they are not choosing me I am choosing them. because at certain level I am conditioned to be afraid to hang out with high quality people. I don’t have good social skills so generally I fallback to my safe spot. I am never choosing socially, and always getting whatever is left out or something.

this is very much linked with me not asking what I want. and than crying...

Q - some time I come back from office extremely exhausted, what should I do on those days.
the nice thing about it is, I know it upfront. when I am leaving my office, than itself I know it is one of those evenings. emotions are clearly disturbed and the most stupid thing I can do is trying to make decision. big ones. the second stupid thing I can do would be starting computer. opening computer must be prohibited in these cycles.

another stupid thing I do is call people. and trying to extract value from them. this doesn’t solve any problem. and conversation itself end up in a weird way. and problem usually get worse.

the most beneficial thing I can do would be take a bath and meditate, sleep. the second best thing would be to hangout in some cafe instead of going home and read your favorite book.

when this happen next time be very aware of the whole process.